It’s finally that time: WrestleMania weekend! In theory, the entire last year of storytelling, or at least the last 2-3 months since the Royal Rumble’s worth of storytelling, should all be leading to this. But is it?
A bit. Some programs have been going on for a looong time. Brock and Roman have been fighting-forever since at least WrestleMania 31, Belair and Lynch’s program goes back to SummerSlam 2021, and Rousey and Flair goes back to WrestleMania 35 (if not the Survivor Series before that). But then we also have Bobby Lashley and Omos, literally set up this week. Can’t win them all, I guess.
There is a literal shit-ton of wrestling this weekend so let’s get to it: there’s so much that I’ve figured out how to link to different parts of the preview. Since I have an idea of what’s going on in their promotions, we’ll take a look at Impact’s Multiverse of Matches and ROH’s return in Supercard of Honor XV. Then we’ll dive into WWE first with the Smackdown WrestleMania pre-show and NXT 2.0’s first outside-of-the-PC Stand & Deliver, and finally WrestleMania Saturday and Sunday.
But first and most importantly, I have finally followed through with my threat of fantasy-booking the end of Quixo-WWE with The Fiend vs The Undertaker at Quixo-WrestleMania 38. Please enjoy, and then if you stick around maybe check out the rest of the shows. If you want. Just read Fiend/Undertaker please and thank you. Enjoy? Thanks! Sorry.
Quixo-WrestleMania 38 (Saturday, April 2, on Earth-Q)
The Fiend vs The Undertaker
The Background: In previous Quixo-WWE entries, The Fiend had assembled his Firefly Funhouse stable by successfully turning Braun Strowman into his golem-like servant and Alexa Bliss (originally trying to save her friend Braun) into his Harley Quinn-style sidekick. After previously defeating/collecting John Cena at WrestleMania 36 and both Randy Orton and Edge off-screen, The Fiend faced AJ Styles at Quixo-WrestleMania 37 when he offered to help AJ Styles through his PTSD from when he was buried alive by the Undertaker at the previous year's WrestleMania 36. Styles let The Fiend in and went through a similar history-laced journey much like John Cena. The Fiend disguised himself as the Undertaker to bury AJ Styles for the second year in a row, this time next to Cena, Edge, and Orton. Unfortunately Styles' statistician Joseph Park accidentally followed him in and The Fiend collected him as well, transforming him back into the TNA original Abyss. On night two, Nikki Cross and Jeff Hardy brought Bliss and Strowman to the Hardy Compound for an Exorcism match and were able to exorcise the Fiend's control over both with the Lake of Resurrection. Unfortunately, the Fiend was able to snatch both Hardy and Cross up as replacements, damning them to become Willow and the NXT maniac Nikki Cross, trading old Fireflies out for new ones. In a WrestleMania 37 post-credits scene, The Undertaker dug up Styles and everyone else, not being pleased with The Fiend stealing his face.
A few months later at the Forbidden-Door extravaganza Quixo-Great American Bash 2021, The Fiend and his Fireflies (Abyss, Willow, Cross, Wyatt's brother Bo Wyatt, and a temporarily possessed/broken AEW's Matt Hardy) took on AEW's the Dark Order (Evil Uno, Stu Grayson, Colt Cabana, Alex Reynolds, John Silver, and Anna Jay). The Fireflies easily bested the false-cult and earned a point for WWE in the inter-brand battle, but the Undertaker and his crew showed up in another post-credit scene to help out the Dark Order once the Fireflies were gone.
At Quixo-SummerSlam 2021, the Fiend, Abyss & Willow faced off against the New Day, and Big E, Kofi, and Woods were able to use the Power of Positivity (along with rainbows, pancakes, and Megazords) to give the Fiend his/its first loss. The Fiend screamed. Afterwards, the Undertaker again appeared to congratulate the New Day in injuring the Fiend, and Alexa Bliss revealed there is no Bray anymore. He hasn't switched between Wyatt and the Fiend in so long that Wyatt is dead - only The Fiend remains. Undertaker will finish the Fiend while Bliss is going to save her friend Nikki.
Alexa Bliss follows up on this threat in an extra-curricular entry for Quixo-WrestleMania 38 from our NWA Hard Times 2 preview, set on night two after The Fiend vs The Undertaker on night one. With The Fiend's power destroyed (spoilers?), its hold on Nikki Cross is limited, and Alexa Bliss is able to not only defeat Cross for the Raw Women's title, but wears her down in a sharpshooter. At first Cross shows no effect, but as The Fiend releases her, Cross shows life to the point of taping out. The next night on the Raw after 'Mania, the two women, bloodied and taped up, each see their friend again for the first time in over a year, and embrace.
Since their loss to the New Day at SummerSlam, the Fiend has taken a sabbatical, allowing his Fireflies to play without his lead. Nikki Cross eventually took the Raw Women’s title while Willow & Abyss attempted for the Raw Tag Team titles, but it was not meant to be. Instead, they would cause random chaos whenever they showed up with the threat of the Fiend joining in person always in the air. The Fiend finally reappears at Survivor Series to congratulate Cross after her Raw Women's title win. The next night on Raw, Alexa Bliss and Braun Strowman formally return looking for Cross and the Fiend only to be laid out by Abyss & Willow. Braun demands a match with the Fiend but the Fiend says first Braun’s friends must beat his Fireflies. We get a Rated-RKO return to face Abyss & Willow at Quixo-WWE TLC 2021 in a Terror Laughs & Chills match. Edge & Orton win and post-match Braun and Bliss show up to surround the Fireflies. Willow gets away but Braun captures Abyss and Bliss pulls out a stake shaped like the Undertaker’s symbol. She lifts it above Abyss’s body, the video feed cuts, and Undertaker’s gong hits - when everything is restored everyone is gone from the ring, but Abyss is exorcised and Joseph Parks is seen backstage later unsure of what month it is.
With Abyss gone, Strowman is able to get a match with Willow at the Royal Rumble 2022 that ends with Strowman defeating Willow, Bliss showing up again with her stake, lights out and gong, Hardy is exorcised/saved as well. In the Rumble match itself (won by champion Roman Reigns to prove he can do what Brock Lesnar couldn't), the middle of the Rumble sees Edge, Randy Orton, and John Cena all enter the Rumble in a row - they keep themselves from being eliminated but appear to be waiting for something, or someone. The Fiend appears next, materializing in the ring after the lights go out. Edge, Orton, and Cena all go for the Fiend but the lights keep flickering and each time the lights go out and come back, another wrestler is on the outside presumably eliminated by The Fiend's power. Lights out, Drew Gulak is eliminated. Lights out, Shinsuke Nakamura is eliminated. Lights out, Orton is out, Edge is hanging from the ropes but still in. Cena is able to get the Fiend up for an Attitude Adjustment but the lights go out again as the timer hits - and it's the Undertaker’s music. Undertaker materializes in the ring in front of Cena and the Fiend. Lights out, all three are on the outside and Cena hits the AA. Lights out and Undertaker and Fiend are both gone, leaving Cena alone and eliminated from the match. Edge sticks around to be eliminated by Damian Priest to set up a WrestleMania match between them, and Roman and his antics get back on schedule for him to win the Royal Rumble after a showdown between himself, Seth Rollins, and a Forbidden-Door appearance by Jon Moxley.
Post-Rumble, Alexa Bliss is officially on course to face and successfully exorcise Nikki Cross after winning the women’s Rumble. Edge, Orton, and Cena all move on to other things leaving only Strowman looking for a chance at the Fiend before the Undertaker presumably faces him. Strowman calls out both men, saying that it’s his right to finish and save his friend, no matter what the Undertaker thinks. Strowman challenges the Fiend to a match at WrestleMania, but The Fiend appears on the Titantron to inform him that while he was his favorite Firefly, he has no use for his Fireflies anymore. The only one that truly flew without him was Nikki Cross - she is the brightest of his Fireflies and can take care of herself. But Braun, he was his favorite, and it hurt him so when he left his glow. Plus, he took his own replacement away (Willow) from him so he wants Braun sooner than WrestleMania. The Fiend makes a rare match appearance to face off against Braun at Elimination Chamber and it does not go well. The Fiend is fully powered up, the lights are red, and it’s a repeat of the Wyatt/Rollins Hell in a Cell match except the Fiend forces the Elimination Chamber to lower down over them, and the Fiend wins. Before the Fiend can reposes Braun, the lights go dark, then purple and what appears to be four Undertakers appear in the four pods - Masked Undertaker, Ministry Undertaker, Phenom Undertaker, and current Undertaker. The Fiend hisses, the lights go out, and everyone but Strowman are gone when the lights return. Strowman couldn’t stop the Fiend, but he at least survived the experience.
Before WrestleMania, The Fiend announces that indeed he will invite the Undertaker in at WrestleMania 38. But afterwards, there will be only one. The Field, with all his hate, will burn brighter than the Dead Man ever could. They will dance. They will fight. They will love. They will hate. They will become one.
Fanboy Fantasy: At WrestleMania, it finally happens. The Undertaker, in his Dead Man Biker form we last saw at WrestleMania 36, rides his bike into the Firefly Funhouse set. Before entering the door, he calmly pulls out a handkerchief, sticks it into the bike’s fuel tank, and lights it up. Right after the Undertaker steps through the door, the bike explodes, destroying the show set, all the puppets, and most importantly the door in and out.
Undertaker materializes in the Wyatt Swamp/Boneyard from previous cinematic matches. The camera pans past Undertaker’s shoulder to see multiple disturbed gravestones with their names crossed out including Finn Balor, Daniel Bryan, John Cena, Randy Orton, Edge, AJ Styles, Braun Strowman, Alexa Bliss, Abyss, and Jeff Hardy. Two graves, Nikki Cross and Bray Wyatt, are still undisturbed, and one final grave lies dug out and empty, waiting for the one man The Fiend still wants to collect: The Undertaker. As the camera pans back to Undertaker approaching the grave, The Fiend clotheslines The Undertaker, nearly knocking him in. Undertaker recovers and kicks Fiend into the gravestones, clearly knocking over the Bray Wyatt gravestone. The two try to drag one another to the ground, but Wyatt grabs a shovel and hits Undertaker in the face, knocking him into the empty grave. Video time lapses to show Fiend literally bury Undertaker, and just as The Fiend looks like he’s done it, Undertakers arms burst out of the dirt and grab the Fiend, dragging it into the grave.
We get quick cuts of The Fiend's face spliced in with shots of the Undertaker hitting the Tombstone Piledriver on Wyatt at WrestleMania 31. Right before he hits it, it quickly rewinds to Wyatt having Undertaker in the Sister Abigail right before he reversed it - or did he?
The Undertaker wakes up in Wyatt's House of Horrors, decorated (?) with memorabilia from past WrestleMania events. The Fiend's laughing can be heard echoing in the halls as he appears in quick blips in multiple corners of the room. Undertaker braces himself when what appears to be Triple H wearing a Fiend mask appears and attacks him. The Undertaker is able to slam him into a wall and the form disappears. A Shawn Michaels in a Fiend mask appears but Undertaker is able to catch him in a quick chokeslam, causing it to disappear as well. The Fiend forms continue, running down the line of opponents Undertaker has beaten at WrestleMania: Edge, Batista, Randy Orton, Ric Flair, Sid, even Diesel - all mindless Fiend forms, all destroyed as soon as Undertaker can hook them. With no other past opponents alive or under WWE contract, the walls begin to shake and crumble around Undertaker. The Fiend's voice can be heard laughing again when a Fiend-Lesnar and Fiend-Reigns appear, the only two to have defeated the Undertaker. Surrounded, the two beings crash into the Undertaker. A Superman-Punch and an F5 later, the House of Horrors falls around him, the laughing continuing.
The video splices in quick shots from WrestleMania 30 and WrestleMania 33 along with more shots of Bray Wyatt and Undertaker at WrestleMania 31. The video slows down to just the video of Undertaker and Brock Lesnar laughing at each other, changed to Undertaker and The Fiend laughing at each other.
The Undertaker wakes up in a cold, familiar place: a boiler room. He is greeted by the form of classic Kane in a Fiend mask and classic Mankind in a Fiend mask. The Undertaker, still dirty from the House of Horrors, calmly waves the two forward. He's able to fight the two off but they are soon replaced by Corporate Kane in a Fiend mask and Cactus Jack in a Fiend mask. As soon as they're fought off and destroyed, more come: Kane in a cape, Dude Love, demasked but wearing a towel Kane, Santa Mick Foley, See No Evil Kane. He's getting worn down, but the Undertaker fights them all off. They finally stop, and Undertaker dusts himself off and finally yells for the Fiend to show himself like man or whatever the hell it is. Whatever form he wants, just show himself. It's time to end this.
The video splices in quick shots from classic Undertaker moments like his WWE World title win at WrestleMania 13, his debut as the American Badass, his showdown with the fake Undertaker at SummerSlam 1994, and his debut at Survivor Series 1990, all while
reshowing each scene with Fiend masks everywhere.
The video all of the sudden goes static like an old VHS tape and when it comes back, the intro for WWF Survivor Series 1990 pops up, and the Undertaker with Ted DiBiase is shown entering the ring. When the match begins, instead of The Dream Team vs The Million Dollar Team, it's Team Fiend (Husky Harris, Wyatt Family leader Bray Wyatt, children's host Bray Wyatt, and the Fiend himself) vs Team Undertaker (the facemask Undertaker, the Ministry of Darkness Undertaker, the Phenom Undertaker, and current Undertaker). Husky Harris and facemask Undertaker start off, and with quick tags to Ministry of Darkness Undertaker, Harris is disposed of. Once destroyed, the other three Wyatt/Fiends all scream. Sensing they are in danger, the Wyatts are able to corner both facemask Undertaker and Ministry of Darkness Undertaker and eliminate them in quick succession, with current Undertaker noticeably weakened by their eliminations. The Phenom Undertaker is able to eliminate children's host Bray Wyatt, but falls to The Fiend, leaving Undertaker with both the Fiend and the Wyatt Family leader. Wyatt and Fiend double team the Undertaker, but Undertaker keeps kicking. Bray Wyatt finally hits the Sister Abigail he was promised at WrestleMania 31, but after backing away in his spider-walk to assess the damage, Undertaker gets up, dead man style. Wyatt goes for it again, but like at WrestleMania 31, Undertaker is able to reverse it into a Tombstone to eliminate Wyatt, leaving only the Fiend. The two lock-up and with every blow, the set starts crumbling more and more. The Fiend whips Undertaker into the turnbuckle, it explodes. Undertaker hits a chokeslam, the ring collapses. The Fiend hooks Undertaker into a Sister Abigail but struggles to complete the move. Undertaker holds his ground as the set starts on fire. Light fixtures and other set components explode and crash down as Undertaker slowly reverses Fiend and gets him up into the Tombstone Piledriver. The Fiend screams worse than before as the Tombstone is hit, and Undertaker gets its arms over its chest for the pin. The set melts below them and the video is overcome by static.
The lights go out at the actual WrestleMania 38 set and the Undertaker gong goes off. One gong. Two gongs. Three gongs. Lights come up on the ring, and the Undertaker is in the ring alone holding the Fiend's mask in one hand, and an urn in the other. Another gong, and he puts the mask into the urn. Another gong, the Undertaker lights a match and places it into the urn. The Fiend's scream is heard one last time, and dies. With the urn placed on the ground still aflame, the Undertaker nods to the audience, waits for one more gong. The lights go out again, and when they come back up, Undertaker is gone.
Let's check in with the results from the last round of the all-new all-different Quixotronic Wrestling Shame Challenge!
Previously on Fanboy Wrestletronic…
Standings going into NWA Crockett Cup 2022 :
1st Place: Kyle 64.4% (121-67)
2nd Place: Tim 60.9% (67-43)
3rd Place: Ryan 51.3% (39-37)
4th Place: Andy 45.9% (34-40)
NWA Crockett Cup 2022 results :
Crockett Cup 2022 Play-In for #16 seed :
The Bad News Boyz (Brandon & Brent Tate) def. The Heatseekers (Elliott Russell & Sigmon), The Rip City Shooters (Joshua Bishop & Wes Barkley), and Violence is Forever (Domonic Garrini) by pinfall to enter the Crockett Cup as seed #16.
Kyle: n/a
Crockett Cup 2022 First Round :
The Briscoe Brothers (Jay & Mark Briscoe) def. The NOW (Hale Collins & Vik Dalishus) by pinfall.
Hawx Aerie (Luke & PJ Hawx) def. The End (Odinson & Parrow) by pinfall.
The Cardonas (Mike Knox & VSK) def. Matthew Mims & The Pope by pinfall.
The Dirty Sexy Boys (Dirty Dango & JTG) def. Aron Stevens & The Blue Meanie by pinfall.
Gold Rushhh (Jordan Clearwater & Marshe Rockett) def. Strictly Business (Chris Adonis & Thom Latimer) by pinfall.
The Commonwealth Connection (Doug Williams & Harry Smith) def. The Ill Begotten (Alex Taylor & Rush Freeman) by pinfall.
The NWA Worlds Tag Team Champions La Rebelión (Bestia 666 & Mecha Wolf 450) def. The Bad New Boyz (Brandon & Brent Tate) by pinfall.
Kyle: n/a
Crockett Cup 2022 Quarter-Finals :
The Cardonas (Mike Knox & VSK) def. The Fixers (Jay Bradley & Wrecking Ball Legursky) by pinfall.
The Briscoe Brothers (Jay & Mark Briscoe) def. The Dirty Sexy Boys (Dirty Dango & JTG) by pinfall.
The NWA Worlds Tag Team Champions La Rebelión (Bestia 666 & Mecha Wolf 450) def. PJ Hawx by pinfall.
The Commonwealth Connection (Doug Williams & Harry Smith) def. Gold Rushhh (Jordan Clearwater & Marshe Rockett) by pinfall.
Kyle: n/a
Crockett Cup 2022 Semi-Finals :
The Briscoes (Jay & Mark Briscoe) def. The Cardonas (Mike Knox & VSK) by pinfall.
The Commonwealth Connection (Doug Williams & Harry Smith) def. The NWA Worlds Tag Team Champions La Rebelión (Bestia 666 & Mecha Wolf 450) by pinfall.
Kyle: n/a
NWA National Title Match : Anthony "Crimson" Mayweather © def. Jax Dane by submission.
Kyle: Crimson (1-0)
NWA National Title Champions-Series Cash-In Match : Jax Dane def. Anthony "Crimson" Mayweather © by pinfall to win the NWA National title.
Kyle: Crimson (1-1, I guess?)
NWA Worlds Women's Tag Team Titles Match : The Hex (Allysin Kay & Marti Belle) © def. Pretty Empowered (Ella Envy & Kenzie Paige) by submission.
Kyle: The Hex (2-1)
NWA Worlds Junior Heavyweight Title Tournament Final : Homicide def. Austin Aries, Colby Corino, and Darius Lockhart by pinfall to win the NWA Worlds Junior Heavyweight title.
Kyle: Colby Corino (2-2)
NWA Worlds Women's Title Match : Kamille © def. Chelsea Green and Kylie Rae by pinfall.
Kyle: Chelsea Green (2-3)
NWA Television Title Match : Tyrus © def. Rodney Mack by pinfall.
Kyle: Tyrus (3-3)
Crockett Cup 2022 Finals : The Briscoes (Jay & Mark Briscoe) def. The Commonwealth Connection (Doug Williams & Harry Smith) by pinfall to win the 2022 Crockett Cup.
Kyle: Strictly Business (3-4)
NWA Worlds Heavyweight Title Match : Matt Cardona © def. Nick Aldis by pinfall.
Kyle: Nick Aldis (3-5)
And now the conclusion…
New standings after NWA Crockett Cup 2022 :
1st Place: Kyle 63.3% (124-72)
2nd Place: Tim 60.9% (67-43)
3rd Place: Ryan 51.3% (39-37)
4th Place: Andy 45.9% (34-40)
Who will survive!?
To watch Impact Multiverse of Matches live on Friday, April 1, 2022 at 9:00p CST, order on Fite.
To watch ROH Supercard of Honor XV live on Friday, April 1, 2022 at 7:00p CST*, order on Fite.
To watch WWE "WrestleMania" Smackdown live on Friday, April 1, 2022 at 7:00p CST, tune into your local FOX affiliate or watch via FOX Sports with your cable password.
To watch NXT 2.0 Stand & Deliver live on Saturday, April 2, 2022 at 12:00p CST, subscribe to Peacock.
To watch WWE WrestleMania 38 live on Saturday, April 2, 2022 & Sunday, April 3, 2022 at 7:00p CST both nights, subscribe to Peacock.
*I wrote my fantasy booking foolishly assuming Impact's show started before ROH's show - on Earth-Q, Impact starts first so we'll preview/book in that order. Oops!
Until then, here’s your Quixotronic preview of the weekend. As always: cards are subject to change.
Impact Multiverse of Matches (Friday, April 1, 2022)
Alex Shelley vs Mike Bailey
The Background: Alex Shelley along with his Motor City Machine Guns partner Chris Sabin are currently feuding with Bullet Club while Mike Bailey recently became the new #1 contender to the Impact X-Division title on the March 24th Impact on AXS. If anything, this is a flippy floppy dream match.
Fanboy Fantasy: These two have an insane banger and Bailey gets the pin and the rub from the veteran to further establish him to American audiences.
Quixotronic Bullpen Predictions:
Kyle: Mike Bailey
Eddie Edwards vs Tomohiro Ishii
The Background: Eddie Edwards betrayed Impact and joined Honor No More/Ring of Honor back at Impact No Surrender 2022. However, now NJPW star Tomohiro Ishii will face Edwards in what should be a fun match.
Fanboy Fantasy: Edwards does what he can and almost gets Ishii, but Ishii bests him and takes the win. Edwards freaks out and vows to leave Impact and sign with Tony Khan’s ROH 2.0 where he’ll get the respect he deserves.
Quixotronic Bullpen Predictions:
Kyle: Eddie Edwards
Jonah Rock & Josh Alexander vs Moose & PCO
The Background: Moose won a Call-Your-Shot gauntlet match and an hour later chased it in on new Impact World Champion Josh Alexander minutes after Alexander defeated Christian Cage to win the title, all at Impact Bound for Glory XVII. Moose won. Alexander was later sent home by Impact management. After Moose retained his Impact World title against Heath Miller at Impact Sacrifice 2022, Josh Alexander returned to Impact to attack Moose and demand his rematch. As a preview before Impact Rebellion, the two will meet in a tag team match.
Fanboy Fantasy: While Jonah and PCO brawl on the outside, Alexander gets the best of Moose to get the pin and earns extra contender credibility after pinning the champion - however Moose makes it clear on future Impact on AXS episodes that Alexander needed Jonah’s help and there’s no way he can beat him on his own.
Quixotronic Bullpen Predictions:
Kyle: Jonah Rock & Josh Alexander
Chris Sabin vs Jay White
The Background: Jay White defeated the man who trained him, Alex Shelley, at last month's Impact Sacrifice 2022. White offered Bullet Club membership to Shelley on the March 10th Impact on AXS, but Chris Sabin returned to turn the tables on White and Bullet Club. Now Sabin will face Jay White.
Fanboy Fantasy: With Alex Shelley a little banged up from his previous match with Bailey, he isn't as helpful in counteracting Chris Bey's interference to overwhelm Sabin to help give the win to Jay White and Bullet Club.
Quixotronic Bullpen Predictions:
Kyle: Jay White
The Briscoes (Jay & Mark Briscoe) vs The Good Brothers (Doc Gallows & Karl Anderson)
The Background: The Good Brothers recently lost the Impact Tag Team titles at Impact Sacrifice 2022, but have also rejoined Bullet Club. The Briscoes have momentum on their side as this year's NWA Crockett Cup winners. The multiverse has picked this as yet another tag team dream match.
Fanboy Fantasy: The Good Brothers are able to take advantage of the Briscoes preparing for a two-fight night (they also defend their ROH Tag Team titles across town on the same night), but they don't need the advantage when NWA Worlds Tag Team Champions La Rebelión come out of the crowd to attack the Briscoes behind the distracted referee's back. The Good Brothers hit the Magic Killer to get the pin on what will be a very bad night for the Briscoes (spoilers!).
Quixotronic Bullpen Predictions:
Kyle: The Briscoes
Matt Cardona & Chelsea Green vs Nick Aldis & Mickie James
The Background: Matt Cardona retained his NWA Worlds Heavyweight title against Nick Aldis at NWA Crockett Cup 2022, and has also been causing trouble in Impact where Mickie James (Aldis's wife) was recently the Impact Knockouts champion. Cardona and Aldis's feud has finally tumbled through the forbidden door and infected James and Chelsea Green, so now they'll face off in an intergender tag team match.
Fanboy Fantasy: While Aldis and Cardona are off brawling in the crowd, James is able to score the pin on Chelsea Green for the win. Aldis and Cardona are stopped by Jeff Jarrett who shows up only to hit Cardona with a guitar for revenge after the shenanigans at the NWA Crockett Cup. Cardona and Aldis continue to feud but Cardona also begins to defend his NWA Worlds Heavyweight title in both Impact and GCW (we get an X-Pac/Cardona title match!) though he does gift his Impact Digital Media title to Green.
Quixotronic Bullpen Predictions:
Kyle: Nick Aldis & Mickie James
Impact Knockouts Tag Team Titles Match : Decay (Havok & Rosemary) vs Gisele Shaw & Lady Frost vs Savannah Evans & Tasha Steelz vs The Influence (Madison Rayne & Tenille Dashwood) ©
The Background: The Influence defeated Cassie Lee & Jessie McKay of the IInspiration at Impact Sacrifice 2022 to win the Impact Knockouts Tag Team titles - now they must get through three other teams to retain their newly-won titles.
Fanboy Fantasy: The Influence retain their titles in a car wreck of a match that see Dashwood pin Havok. Steelz tries to lobby for another match since her team wasn't pinned and she wants double-gold, and the Iinspiration still want their rematch. Elsewhere, Deonna Purrazzo also starts looking for a partner to add even more gold to her collection. Will the champions be able to continue to hold onto their gold with so many challengers?
Quixotronic Bullpen Predictions:
Kyle: The Influence
Impact X-Division Title Ultimate X Match : Blake Christian vs Chris Bey vs Jordynne Grace vs Rich Swann vs Vincent vs Trey Miguel ©
The Background: Trey Miguel won the vacant Impact X-Division title at Impact Bound for Glory XVII, and has been able to retain it ever since. Now he'll face 5 other people in an Ultimate X match because the multiverse demands it.
Fanboy Fantasy: Vincent shocks the world and is able to grab the title from the X-scaffolding to win the Impact X-Division title and renames it the new ROH X-Division title. Vincent shares a car with the Briscoes and shows up an hour later at ROH Supercard of Honor showing off the belt - just because AEW bought ROH doesn't mean that Impact/ROH is done!
Quixotronic Bullpen Predictions:
Kyle: Blake Christian
AAA Reina de Reinas or ROH Women's Title Match : TBA vs Deonna Purrazzo ©
The Background: After losing her Impact Knockouts title to Mickie James at Impact Bound for Glory XVII, Deonna Purrazzo claimed a new second belt (along with her AAA Reina de Reinas title) by defeating Rok-C to claim the ROH Women's title on the January 13th Impact on AXS. The Champ-Champ has since been issuing open challenges for either title and has yet to show a hint of losing either title. This will be another open challenge.
Fanboy Fantasy: Deonna Purrazzo comes out with both her ROH Women's title and AAA Reina de Reinas titles for an open challenge and its answered by Taya Valkyrie! As a former AAA champion, Valkyrie indicates she wants her belt back. The champ champ isn't able to hold onto the double-gold as Valkyrie is able to pin her to take the AAA Reina de Reinas title. Afterwards, Purrazzo hugs onto her ROH title and announced that if Tony Khan wants "his" ROH Women's title back, he should get off his ass and actually call the champ-champ, though she stumbles when saying the second "champ."
Quixotronic Bullpen Predictions:
Kyle: Deonna Purrazzo
ROH Supercard of Honor XV (Friday, April 1, 2022)
Alex Zayne vs Swerve Strickland
The Background: AEW owner Tony Khan announced on the March 2nd AEW Dynamite that he has purchased Ring of Honor. AEW worker Swerve Strickland will face former ROH (and brief NXT) worker Alex Zayne in the first show booked by Khan.
Fanboy Fantasy: Strickland and Zayne just have a good 15-minute match. Everyone has a good time and Strickland pulls out the win. The two show honor after the match and shake hands.
Quixotronic Bullpen Predictions:
Kyle: Shane Strickland
Jay Lethal vs Lee Moriarty
The Background: AEW owner Tony Khan announced on the March 2nd AEW Dynamite that he has purchased Ring of Honor. AEW worker Lee Moriarty will face also AEW worker but ROH legacy worker Jay Lethal in the first show booked by Khan.
Fanboy Fantasy: Lee Moriarty faces an uphill battle against the former two-time ROH World champion. Everything Moriarty throws at Lethal, Lethal is able to dish right back to him five-fold. In the end Lethal is able to hit the Lethal Injection for the win. Lethal puts out his hand after the match to show honor, but Moriarty is hesitant at first before finally agreeing and shaking his opponent's hand.
Quixotronic Bullpen Predictions:
Kyle: Lee Moriarty
ROH Pure Title Match : Wheeler Yuta vs Josh Woods ©
The Background: AEW owner Tony Khan announced on the March 2nd AEW Dynamite that he has purchased Ring of Honor. AEW worker Wheeler Yuta will face ROH legacy worker and current ROH Pure Champion Josh "the Goods" Woods in the first show booked by Khan. When ROH first came back in September 2020 after the #quixotine and held the new ROH Pure Title Tournament, both men competed in the tournament with Yuta losing in the first round and Woods in the semi-finals, both to tournament winner and current ROH World Champion (sort-of) Jonathan Gresham.
Fanboy Fantasy: Wheeler Yuta is accompanied by William Regal as he is formally scouted as a potential member of Regal's Blackpool Combat Club. Woods is clearly distracted by Regal presence (as we all should be) and is forced to use his 3 rope breaks early in the match. Yuta, feeling like he has everything to gain, is able to outlast Woods and make him tap after he reaches for the ropes but the referee can't break the submission. Wheeler Yuta wins the ROH Pure title and Regal congratulates him and inducts him into his academy (currently comprised of Bryan Danielson & Jon Moxley) on the next week's AEW Dynamite. Despite Yuta and Woods both showing honor after the match, there is a clear trend occurring: AEW is besting ROH.
Quixotronic Bullpen Predictions:
Kyle: Josh Woods
Interim ROH Women's Title Match : Mercedes Martinez vs Willow Nightingale
The Background: AEW owner Tony Khan announced on the March 2nd AEW Dynamite that he has purchased Ring of Honor. Instead of booking ROH Women's Champion Deonna Purrazzo on the card due to her already working Impact's Multiverse of Matches show (like the Briscoes who are booked for both shows), they will crown an interim champion to face Purrazzo some time later to merge the titles. You know, simply naming a #1 contender is cheaper in that you don't have to buy a new belt that will only last for a few weeks.
Fanboy Fantasy: The referee presents the new Interim ROH Women’s title as Nightingale and Martinez lock up. Nightingale fights from below and is able to surprise Martinez a couple times throughout the match. However in the end, it’s not a surprise - Martinez makes the pin to win the interim ROH Women’s title. Later on before the main event, ROH Women’s Champion Deonna Purrazzo shows up and demands to know why they couldn’t wait literally a half hour and let her defend her title herself instead of handing a false title to one of their AEW superstars. Martinez comes back out with her title and there is a stiff stare down before multiple referees get between both women and stop an altercation so they can get to the main event.
Quixotronic Bullpen Predictions:
Kyle: Mercedes Martinez
ROH Tag Team Titles Match : FTR (Cash Wheeler & Dax Harwood) vs The Briscoes (Jay & Mark Briscoe) ©
The Background: After defeating the OGK team of Matt Taven & Mike Bennett to win the ROH Tag Team titles at what could have been Ring of Honor's last show, ROH Final Battle 2021, Cash Wheeler & Dax Harwood of AEW's FTR showed up to spoiler their celebration. Now they will finally face each other in a now AEW-owned Ring of Honor.
Fanboy Fantasy: The Briscoes have already lost one match tonight thanks to interference by the NWA Worlds Tag Team Champions La Rebelión. After being beaten by four men and an hour's car drive, they are no match for the fresh and waiting FTR. The teams still go an easy thirty minutes with blood early on, but as mentioned above: this is a very bad night for the Crockett Cup winners. FTR are able to hit the Big Rig on Jay Briscoe and pin him to become the new ROH Tag Team champions. Dax Harwood grabs the mic and thanks Tony Khan from the bottom of his heart for making this match possible and for giving them the opportunity of a lifetime. The Briscoes go on to regain some heat by defeating La Rebelión for the NWA Tag Team titles and to keep the Forbidden Door open for themselves.
Quixotronic Bullpen Predictions:
Kyle: FTR
ROH World Title Unification Match : Bandido © vs Jonathan Gresham ©
The Background: Jonathan Gresham was set to face Bandido for the ROH World title at ROH Final Battle 2021, but Bandido was pulled from the show after testing positive for COVID-19. Bandido's title was stripped at Gresham faced AEW's Jay Lethal (formerly of ROH's The Foundation group along with Gresham) for the vacant ROH World title. Gresham won and has been defending his title around the multiverse including his own Terminus brand, but Bandido still has his title and has done the same. Now they will determine who is the true ROH World Champion.
Fanboy Fantasy: Bandido and Gresham both show off their individual ROH World titles before shaking hands and starting their match. They give a solid 30-minute match that sees Gresham finally pin Bandido and confirm once and for all that he is the new ROH World Champion. After the two show honor, Jonathan Gresham thanks Bandido for giving him and the fans a true world title match. As ROH World Champion, and he knows if Bandido had won he would say the same thing, he will represent Ring of Honor to the best of his abilities and show why it's the greatest wrestling promotion ever formed, and as champion he won't let Ring of Honor become something like a ROH 2.0 or anyone else's developmental territory. They won't recognize "interim" champions. Honor is real. After staying out of the Forbidden Door games in the last year or two, AEW vs ROH is upon us.
Quixotronic Bullpen Predictions:
Kyle: Jonathan Gresham
WWE "WrestleMania" Smackdown (Friday, April 1, 2022)
Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal featuring Akira Tozawa, Apollo Crews, Cedric Alexander, Commander Azeez, Damian Priest, Drew Gulak, Erik, WWE United States Champion Finn Bálor, Ivar, Jinder Mahal, Madcap Moss, Mansoor, Reggie, Robert Roode, R-Truth, Shanky, Shelton Benjamin
The Background: On the March 25th Smackdown it was announced that instead of being on at least the pre-show of either night of WrestleMania 38, this year's Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal would appear on the basically-the-pre-show April 1st Smackdown. It will feature many superstars without previously established matches, including *check notes* WWE United States Champion Finn Bálor and former champion he is currently feuding with Damian Priest.
Fanboy Fantasy: Guys like Reggie, Mansoor, Akira Tozawa and others are quickly eliminated. R-Truth shocks even himself when he eliminates Apollo Crews, but in his celebration Commander Azeez scared R-Truth enough to force him into eliminating himself. Azeez is then eliminated by Damian Priest who is generally trying to eliminate Bálor. Robert Roode is able to eliminate former WWE World Champion Jinder Mahal while Priest and Bálor have a brief team-up to eliminate Cedric Alexander and Shelton Benjamin when the former Hurt Business try to interrupt their face off. Robert Roode looks ready for Bálor and Priest, but the two stand aside and ignore Roode. While the two argue, Roode takes the opportunity presented to him and clotheslines both of them out of the ring! With his Glorious return to form and his partner's NXT title reign, the Dirty Dawgs are officially on the prowl and Roode could use some gold of his own - maybe Bálor's? How about to add stakes, the winner of the battle royal is the first entrant in the next Money in the Bank match? Let's go with that. The next night, Finn Bálor interrupts night one of WrestleMania 38 by demanding officials let him defend the WWE United States title against Damian Priest. He doesn't like Priest, but goddamnit they both deserve to be at the Show of Shows. Officials give in and we get a WWE United States title match that see Bálor retain his title in a hard-fought battle.
Quixotronic Bullpen Predictions:
Kyle: Damian Priest - I'm guessing Priest will eliminate Bálor to earn a future title shot.
WWE Intercontinental Title Match : Angel Garza vs Humberto Carrillo vs Ricochet ©
The Background: Instead of letting Ricochet defend his WWE Intercontinental title at WrestleMania against any number of singles superstars, it was announced on the March 25th Smackdown it was a that he will defend it on the April 1st Smackdown against the team of Angel Garza and Humberto Carrillo in a triple threat. It should be noted: Los Lotharios have not recently broken up.
Fanboy Fantasy: While Garza and Carrillo are able to work like a team at first, as soon as one of them goes for a pin, the other one breaks it up. Ricochet is able to use their miscommunication against them. Ricochet is able to mount them both on the top turnbuckle and hit a Razor's Edge on both to win the match. On the Smackdown after 'Mania (in Milwaukee!), King Xavier Woods and Kofi Kingston congratulate Ricochet on his successful defense over WrestleMania weekend, and Ricochet likewise congratulates them on winning their match. The King would like to be considered for a one on one opportunity for Ricochet's jeweled Intercontinental gold. Ricochet politely declines for the night as he'd prefer to rest up and give Woods his best - the both owe it to the fans. Woods looks oddly angry at being denied, but Kofi Kingston talks Woods down. Kofi and Xavier move off to the side and the announcers wonder what they're discussing, but they can overhear Kofi say something about him being the Hand of the King. Out of nowhere Kofi hits Ricochet with a Thunder in Paradise. King Xavier Woods is pleased as the Hand of the King Kofi Kingston picks up Ricochet's title belt and presents it to the King. Woods celebrates with the title before throwing it back to the still-downed Ricochet, officially turned heel and ready for a future Intercontinental title program.
Quixotronic Bullpen Predictions:
Kyle: Ricochet - I like Garza and Carrillo, but neither are at the level yet to seriously be considered for an WWE Intercontinental title run.
NXT 2.0 Stand & Deliver 2022 (Saturday, April 2, 2022)
NXT Women's Tag Team Titles Match : Dakota Kai & Raquel González vs Toxic Attraction (Gigi Dolan & Jacy Jayne) ©
The Background: Dakota Kai & Raquel González won the 2021 women's Dusty Rhodes Classic by defeating Ember Moon & Shotzi Blackheart at NXT Takeover: Vengeance Day 2021. After being denied a true shot at the WWE Women's Tag Team titles, NXT Commissioner gifted them the new NXT Women's Tag Team titles on the March 10th (2021) NXT, only the lost them to Moon & Blackheart later that night. González went on to win the NXT Women's title by defeating Io Shirai at NXT Takeover: Stand & Deliver 2021, and amazingly it would still be a few months before Dakota Kai turned on González for a shot at the gold. González then defeated Kai to retain at NXT Takeover 36, the last true NXT Takeover. Once NXT 2.0 took over (not Tookover), González lost her title to Toxic Attraction leader Mandy Rose at October 26th (2021) NXT 2.0 Halloween Havoc. In this year's Dusty Rhodes Classic, González has been teaming with Cora Jade while Kai with Wendy Choo, but both teams have been targeted by Toxic Attraction. Now with no contenders, González & Kai have shocked everyone to reteam and take on the NXT Women's Tag Team champions.
Fanboy Fantasy: Kai & González are ready and waiting as referees have to push out Toxic Attraction to the ring as they continue to claim they shouldn’t have to defend their titles - the Dusty Cup winners didn’t choose them. Unfortunately the first women’s Dusty Cup winners did choose them! Dolan & Jayce are able to use quick tags to work on Kai for a few minutes but Kai is able to counter with quick kicks and a hot tag to González who decimates them. Both Gonzalez & Kai hit some quick team moves and González piles Dolan & Jayne on top of each other to get the pin and titles.
Quixotronic Bullpen Predictions:
Kyle: Dakota Kai & Raquel González - why put these two back together without giving them the titles and letting them have a run with them for more than an hour?
Tommaso Ciampa vs Tony D'Angelo
The Background: Tommaso Ciampa won the NXT Title for the second time on the debut September 14th (2021) NXT 2.0. With the New Generation of NXT quickly replacing the old guard, it was only a matter of time before he was defeated for the title by Bron Breakker at the January 4th NXT 2.0 New Year’s Evil. While the two showed an uneasy alliance against new challenger Dolph Ziggler and his partner Robert Roode across both NXT 2.0 and Raw, it was Ciampa who took the pin to cost Breakker the title to Ziggler at March 8th NXT 2.0 Roadblock. With nothing left to accomplish in NXT while Breakker seeks revenge against Ziggler, New Blood member Tony D'Angelo challenged Ciampa to his last NXT match before being kicked to the curb on Raw.
Fanboy Fantasy: Tommaso Ciampa takes the early advantage, but D'Angelo is able to hit a couple power moves in quick succession that slow the two-time champion down. They level out but D'Angelo keeps going for every pin opportunity he can, and Ciampa keeps kicking out. After a small referee bump, D'Angelo pulls out brass knuckles and punches Ciampa right in the face. D'Angelo does the smart thing and wakes the referee right away and they count 1-2-kickout! Ciampa spits blood into D'Angelo's face and charges at him and they brawl to the outside. Ciampa, now seeing red, starts pulling up the ring mats, but D'Angelo is able to reverse a suplex onto Ciampa into the cement. D'Angelo rolls Ciampa back into the ring, but Ciampa kicks out again from the latest pin attempt. Ciampa rallies back to hit a Fairytale Ending, but its misplaced and D'Angelo rolls to the outside again avoiding a quick pin. While Ciampa again follows to the outside, D'Angelo is able to hit him with the brass knuckles one more time, roll him to the ring and get the pin 1-2-3. D'Angelo gets to play up that he beat Ciampa in his last NXT match while Tommaso Ciampa heads to Raw and is not lost in the shuffle. While he briefly continues his feud with Dirty Dawg member Robert Roode, the two more formally meet as two of the four Raw entries (along with AJ Styles and Damian Priest) in this year's men's Money in the Bank match.
Quixotronic Bullpen Predictions:
Kyle: Tony D'Angelo - Ciampa will do the honorable thing and go out on his back before hopefully not being cast aside on Raw.
LA Knight vs WALTER
The Background: LA Knight just finished up a feud with Grayson Waller, though was able to sweet talk his way into an NXT Title match with Dolph Ziggler on the March 15th NXT 2.0. The next week, WALTER quickly defeated Duke Hudson on the March 22nd NXT 2.0 and complained about being overlooked while others (like Knight) are given NXT title matches whenever they open their mouths. LA Knight took this as an invitation so challenged WALTER to a match. LA Knight does not know what he has done.
Fanboy Fantasy: LA Knight starts out with a barrage of punches, but WALTER literally doesn't flinch. WALTER slaps Knight harder than Will Smith and knocks Knight down. He picks him up and slaps him down. He picks him up and slaps him down. He picks him up and slaps him down. He climbs the top rope, hits a frogsplash, and they need to scrap Knight off the ring with a spatula. WALTER shows that needs an NXT title shot NOW while LA Knight is moved up to Smackdown where his Rock (The, not Chris) impersonation will be appreciated.
Quixotronic Bullpen Predictions:
Kyle: WALTER - LA Knight should actually be bounced up to either Raw or Smackdown as he is not needed in NXT. Give WALTER a quick strong win, and send the former Eli Drake to Smackdown so I can see him on Friday night.
NXT Men's Tag Team Titles Match : The Creed Brothers (Brutus & Julius Creed) vs MSK (Nash Carter & Wes Lee) vs Imperium (Fabian Aichner & Marcel Barthel) ©
The Background: The Creed Brothers defeated MSK in the finals of the 2022 Dusty Rhodes Tag Team Classic at the February 15th NXT 2.0 Vengeance Day. They were supposed to have a titles shot at Imperium at the March 8th NXT 2.0 Roadblock, but made the mistake of going into the NXT parking lot and were assaulted by unseen assailants (somehow the parking lot still has the 1.0 vibe). MSK stepped up to take their place, but their match ended in a DQ when the Creed Brothers returned and attacked everyone. On the March 15th NXT 2.0 the Creed Brothers demanded to know if MSK attacked them, though MSK denied it. The champions, Imperium, decided they don't care about what either team is doing, they'll just defend their titles against both.
Fanboy Fantasy: MSK's and the Creed Brothers' disdain for each other gets the better of each team and Imperium is able to use them both against each other (and for much of the match just hang back and let the other two teams fight). Imperium are able to score the pin on the Creed Brothers before MSK can break the pin - and MSK snap and attack... the already defeated Creed Brothers? Yes, it was MSK who attacked the Creeds in the lawless land known as the NXT parking lot, and now they're made that by losing, the Creeds cost them their tag team titles. While they brawl, WALTER joins the rest of Imperium and pose in power - ready to get more gold to complete the set.
Quixotronic Bullpen Predictions:
Kyle: MSK - I think we'll have the Creed Brothers in the chase a little more and maybe see a revealed-heel MSK team?
NXT North American Title Ladder Match : Cameron Grimes vs Grayson Waller vs Santos Escobar vs Solo Sikoa vs Carmelo Hayes ©
The Background: Carmelo Hayes defeated Isaiah Scott (now Shane "Swerve" Strickland over in AEW) to win the NXT North American title back on the October 12th (2021) NXT 2.0. Since then he has successfully defended it against Pete Dunne (now Butch on Smackdown), Johnny Gargano (now "dad" at home), and Roderick Strong (now on NXT UK instead?). The joke I'm making is that he beats people and then they leave NXT. It's funny to me. Thankfully Cameron Grimes got to keep his job after his loss to Hayes at the February 15th NXT 2.0 Vengeance Day, so we'll have a 5-man ladder match for the title at Stand & Deliver with presumably at least four of them keeping their NXT job afterwards. Santos Escobar defeated Grimes to qualify on the March 15th NXT 2.0, Solo Sikoa defeated Roderick Strong (in excursion from NXT UK?) and Grayson Waller defeated A-Kid (definitely on excursion from NXT UK) to qualify on the March 22nd NXT 2.0. Finally Cameron Grimes won the last chance triple threat match against A-Kid and Strong on the March 29th NXT 2.0 to secure the last spot.
Fanboy Fantasy: As expected, this match is a wild mess. Ladders fly everywhere, there’s lots of crashing, it’s all hell. Trick Williams tries to help Hayes, but everyone else gangs up on him early and send him to the back. Legado del Fantasma tries to get involved but Escobar actually sends them away so he can win the belt the right way. That is of course a mistake as it’s Grayson Walker’s insurance policy Sanga that makes the difference and helps Waller reach the title for the win.
Quixotronic Bullpen Predictions:
Kyle: Santos Escobar - This match is a complete toss up. I like Escobar, so I'm going with him.
NXT Women's Title Match : Cora Jade vs Io Shirai vs Kay Lee Ray vs Mandy Rose ©
The Background: Toxic Attraction attacked Raquel González to cost her and Cora Jade their spot in the Dusty Rhodes Tag Team Classic on the March 8th NXT 2.0 Roadblock, allowing Dakota Kai & Wendy Choo to head to the finals. With González out, Cora Jade stepped up to face NXT Women's Champion and Toxic Attraction leader Mandy Rose in a one-on-one match. However, Io Shirai & Kay Lee Ray threw a wrench in that plan by defeating Kai & Choo in the Dusty finals on March 22nd NXT 2.0 - and then demanding to be inserted into the NXT Women's (singles) title match instead of a match for the NXT Women's Tag Team titles with Toxic Attraction's Gigi Dolan & Jacy Jayne. Now the match for the NXT Women's title is a fatal four-way.
Fanboy Fantasy: All three women go for Mandy Rose immediately who quickly slides out of the ring and hides between Gigi Dolan & Jacy Jayne. Shirai and Ray slide out and take out the NXT Women’s Tag Team champions, causing Rose to flee back into the ring and right into Cora Jade. The two brawl for a few minutes while referees and officials separate Shirai/Ray from Toxic Attraction. Just as Jade is able to go for a pin, the dream is shattered as both Shirai and Kay make it back to break the pin. The match devolves into a four-way mess though Shirai and Ray still don’t outright attack each other yet. With Jade kicked to the outside, Shirai hits her Moonsault on Rose but Ray breaks the pin. The two stare at each other while Ray picks up Rose and hits a Gory Bomb and pins her, daring Shirai to break the pin - which she does. The two finally explode and brawl to the outside. Jade makes her way back into the ring with Rose still down and goes for a pin, but Rose reverses it for two! Jade reverses it for another two, and Rose reverses a final time to get the three count and retain the title
Quixotronic Bullpen Predictions:
Kyle: Kay Lee Ray - I think it's too early for Cora Jade to win it, and Io Shirai needs to head to Raw or Smackdown yesterday. We'll continue the trend of former NXT UK women hopping the pond and winning NXT Domestic gold.
NXT Men's Title Match : Bron Breakker vs Dolph Ziggler ©
The Background: After coming up short against NXT Champion Tommaso Ciampa at October 26th (2021) NXT 2.0 Halloween Havoc, Bron Breakker finally did the Steiners proud by defeating Ciampa for the NXT title at January 4th NXT 2.0 New Year’s Evil. Breakker and Ciampa have shown a loose alliance despite the title changing between them, defeating Legado del Fantasma on the February 1st NXT 2.0. Dolph Ziggler entered as a new challenger when he defeated Ciampa to become the #1 contender to the NXT title on the February 22nd NXT 2.0. Breakker & Ciampa defeated the Dirty Dawgs on March 1st NXT 2.0, and then spilled over to Raw when Breakker & Ciampa beat them again on the the March 7th Raw. Despite that, Ziggler pinned Ciampa in a triple threat match for the title to win the NXT Championship on the March 8th NXT 2.0 Roadblock. Now with Ciampa on his wait out to Raw, Breakker will get is rematch as a one-on-one shot with NXT Champion Dolph Ziggler.
Fanboy Fantasy: Dolph Ziggler comes out with his title and Andre the Giant Battle Royal winner Robert Roode, but Bron Breakker is flanked by his father and uncle, now WWE Hall of Famers, the goddamn Steiner Brothers. And he introduced as Bron "Breaker" Steiner. It's not exactly a secret, guys. And then the murder happens. Dolph, I enjoy your work, but you've come here to be massacred. Roode tries to interfere but its quickly rolled into the ring by the Steiner Brothers and they hit him with a hard Steiner DDT. With Roode dead, Bron throws Ziggler around for a while like a dog playing with his food before finally pinning him for the win. He celebrates with his family, everyone goes home happy - even Scott Steiner, and he's never happy. With the Dirty Dawgs kicked back to Raw and Breakker finally and forever a Steiner, he throws out an NXT Title Open Challenge on the next episode of NXT 2.0. As these things go, it's answered by multiple people: Dexter Lumis. Santos Escobar. Former NXT North American Champion Carmelo Hayes. And WALTER. That plays out for a while with Lumis surprisingly coming up with the first title shot because we're going slowly simmer Bron Steiner vs. WALTER. You want it, but you can't have it yet, my friend. The foreplay for this match is going to be wonderful.
Quixotronic Bullpen Predictions:
Kyle: Bron Breakker - I'd kinda love to see Ziggler retain and just be a dick in NXT for a few more months, but I don't think it'll happen.
WWE WrestleMania 38 Saturday (Saturday, April 2, 2022)
Raw Women's Title Match : Bianca Belair vs Becky Lynch ©
The Background: Bianca Belair defeated Sasha Banks to become the new Smackdown Women's Champion in the main event of night one of WWE WrestleMania 37. It was delightful and full of feelings. After successful defenses against Bayley and Carmela, Belair was set for a rematch with Sasha Banks before Banks was pulled the night of WWE SummerSlam 2021 and Belair was given a mystery opponent: the returning Becky Lynch who defeated Belair in 25 seconds. The Man is a bad Man. She is now Big Time Becks. The two faced off again at WWE Extreme Rules 2021 that ended in a DQ (that doesn't sound right) and then again in a triple threat with Banks at WWE Crown Jewel 2021 with Lynch retaining. Lynch and Morgan were both moved to Raw (and Lynch swapped out for the Raw Women's title) during the Brand Draft, and they've been mostly separated until Belair won the #1 contendership via Elimination Chamber at WWE Elimination Chamber 2022. The two have since spent weeks trying to injure each other - Belair whipped Lynch with her hair on the February 28th Raw, Lynch attacked Belair's throat with a chair on the March 14th Raw. Then on the March 28th Raw, Belair cut Lynch's hair. That doesn't bode well for Belair's hair come Saturday.
Fanboy Fantasy: Big Time Becks comes out now sporting a Morlock-leader Storm mohawk while Belair laughs at her. Becky no-sells the laugh because the mohawk is awesome and the two proceed to kick the crap out of each other. They both pull out weapons and Becky hits the referee with a chair allowing her time to beat Belair with the chair next. Belair is able to recover with a kendo stick, and when the next referee gets to the ring, Belair knocks out them so the two can continue to wail on each other. Becky is able to get Belair's hair tied to the turnbuckle and heads under the ring to get lawn sheers! Before she can cut Belair's hair though, another referee makes it to the ring and grabs the sheers from Becky's hands. Becky is able to knock that referee out before they can call for the bell but it gives Belair enough time to untie her hair and whip the every loving shit out of Becky. Kendo stick blast, hair blast, kendo stick blast, hair blast. She's lifted up for a KOD and Belair hits it in time for a last referee to show up simply to make the count: 1-2-3, Belair is once again the (Raw) Women's Champion! Lynch argues with the referee(s?) that they should have been disqualified and she should still be the champion, but no one listens to her. Belair celebrates, Becky storms off to the back.
Quixotronic Bullpen Predictions:
Kyle: Bianca Belair - The 25 second loss at SummerSlam has been leading to this: redemption. Right? Right????
Andy: Becky Lynch
Ryan: Becky Lynch
Tim: Bianca Belair
Drew McIntyre vs Happy Corbin
The Background: After defeating Happy Corbin's partner/flunky, Drew McIntyre was assaulted backstage at WWE Day One 2022 by the two, McIntyre returned at the WWE Royal Rumble 2022 and eliminated both men before being the last eliminated by Rumble winner Brock Lesnar. Since then McIntyre defeated Moss again at WWE Elimination Chamber 2022, the February 25th Smackdown, and again on the March 28th Raw in what was technically a handicap match with Corbin. Now McIntyre will finally face Happy Corbin one-on-one.
Fanboy Fantasy: Drew McIntyre hits Happy Corbin with a Claymore right after the bell rings. Before he can go for a pin, Madcap Moss tries to attack but McIntyre is able to hook him into a FutureShock DDT followed by Claymore. Corbin is able to recover but gets another Claymore. McIntyre pins Corbin 1, 2, 3, and on future Smackdown episodes Corbin reverts to the Lone Wolf by attacking Moss, ending the Sad/Happy Corbin character for good.
Quixotronic Bullpen Predictions:
Kyle: Drew McIntyre - After main-eventing WrestleMania 36 and opening WrestleMania 37 both in WWE World title matches, McIntyre cannot lose this match.
Andy: Drew McIntyre
Ryan: Happy Corbin
Tim: Drew McIntyre
Los Mysterios (Dominik & Rey Mysterio) vs The Miz & Logan Paul
The Background: Miz felt slighted when it was announced that Rey Mysterio was the cover star for the new WWE 2K22 video game - clearly it should have been the Miz. The two faced off at WWE Elimination Chamber 2022 and Mysterio defeated the Miz, so our copies of 2K22 will not be receiving updated cover art. Instead of giving up, because Miz does not give up, he introduced his Hollywood/YouTube friend Logan Paul on the February 21st Raw and challenged both Mysterios to a WrestleMania match. The Hollywood match attacked Los Mysterios on the March 14th Raw and stole Rey's mask - so of course Logan Paul came out on the March 28th Raw wearing the mask. Luchador Logan is going to get his ass kicked.
Fanboy Fantasy: Miz dominates the match early when Dominik starts the match. Miz teases tagging in Logan Paul but denies Paul and the crowd. He continues to beat on Dominik until a small reversal moves the match to the Mysterios corner and Dominik makes a hot tag. Miz runs to his corner and gives a hot tag to Paul who realizes it’s Rey fucking Mysterio waiting for him in the ring. Thankfully heels gonna heel so Paul jumps in the ring, and performs a feats of strength test with Rey. Paul wins and is able to match Rey with a little chain wrestling. Miz looks pleased with his partner until Rey reveals he was leading Paul the whole time. Rey hits a hurricanrana that Paul takes and doesn’t die, Miz jumps in to help, both get locked in the ropes and you know what that means - double 619 from the Mysterios for a double pin and the WrestleMania win. After the match Miz argues with Paul about their loss and hits Paul with a Skull-Crushing Finale. Logan Paul must take multiple finishers every WrestleMania now. At WrestleMania 39, Logan and Jake Paul both compete in a tag team gauntlet and get destroyed again- by a united Sami Zayn & Kevin Owens.
Quixotronic Bullpen Predictions:
Kyle: Los Mysterios - I like the idea of Logan Paul showing up for WrestleMania every year just to get the crap kicked out of him.
Andy: Logan Paul & The Miz
Ryan: Los Mysterios
Tim: Los Mysterios
The New Day (Kofi Kingston & King Xavier Woods) vs Ridge Holland & Sheamus (w/ Pete Dunne)
The Background: On the March 4th Smackdown, Sheamus & Ridge Holland decided to break Big E's ATV that he's been riding to the ring for merchandizing-reasons. Then a week later on the March 11th Smackdown Sheamus & Ridge Holland upped the stakes by breaking Big E's neck*. That escalated quickly. Holland defeated Kofi Kingston on the March 18th Smackdown, but then King Xavier Woods came back to defeat Holland on the March 25th Smackdown. Now they'll all face off in what was supposed to be the full New Day (E, Kingston, & Woods) against Sheamus, Holland, and their new friend Pete Dunne.
*I kid because for having a broken neck Big E appears to be doing well - heal up, E!
Fanboy Fantasy: We get a Titantron video of Big E in his neck brace introducing the New Day before the match. While Sheamus and Holland have power on their side, the quick smooth transitions between Kofi and Xavier are easily too much for them as the New Day wins in merely five minutes with Holland taking the pin. After the match, Pete Dunne is about to rush at Xavier and Kofi, but Sheamus stops him. Sheamus grabs a mic and let’s him know that they’re done with the New Day now - they hurt their fella, and now they got their rightful revenge. It sucks, but it’s done, and they’ll all have other fights for another day. Sheamus/Holland/Dunne slide into a feud with the Viking Raiders over European stereotypes while (shamelessly copied from above) on the Smackdown after 'Mania (in Milwaukee!), King Xavier Woods and Kofi Kingston congratulate Ricochet on his successful WWE Intercontinental title defense over WrestleMania weekend. The King would like to be considered for a one on one opportunity for Ricochet's jeweled Intercontinental gold. Ricochet politely declines for the night as he'd prefer to rest up and give Woods his best - the both owe it to the fans. Woods looks oddly angry at being denied, but Kofi Kingston talks Woods down. Kofi and Xavier move off to the side and the announcers wonder what they're discussing, but they can overhear Kofi say something about him being the Hand of the King. Out of nowhere Kofi hits Ricochet with a Thunder in Paradise. King Xavier Woods is pleased as the Hand of the King Kofi Kingston picks up Ricochet's title belt and presents it to the King. Woods celebrates with the title before throwing it back to the still-downed Ricochet, officially turned heel and ready for a future Intercontinental title program. The Hand of the King Kofi Kingston helps King Xavier Woods defeat Ricochet at WrestleMania Backlash to become King of the Intercontinent.
Quixotronic Bullpen Predictions:
Kyle: New Day - the New Day need WrestleMania revenge for the breaking of Big E's neck. Let me rephrase that - we all need revenge for Big E.
Andy: New Day
Ryan: New Day
Tim: New Day
Seth Rollins vs TBA
The Background: Seth Rollins has become increasingly frustrated with not already having a WrestleMania match booked: First, he and Kevin Owens lost a Raw Tag Team titles shot on the March 7th Raw. Then on the March 14th Raw, he turned on Owens and tried to take his spot hosting the KO Show with Steve Austin, but Owens defeated him. Then on the March 21st Raw, he tried to take AJ Styles' place in his match with Edge, but Styles defeated him (technically via DQ when Edge hit Styles with a chair giving him the win). Distraught, Rollins visited Mr. McMahon at WWE headquarters before the March 28th Raw and was told he'd have his WrestleMania movement but against an opponent of Mr. McMahon's choosing to be named that night. Completely unrelated to any of this, Cody Rhodes recently left AEW, the company he helped found and where he's spent the last three years. Unrelated. I'm not sure why I even added this to this preview.
Fanboy Fantasy: Seth Rollins dances to the ring because he's excited about having his WrestleMania match. However, we wait a solid two minutes before his opponent comes out, and Rollins feels all 120 seconds of the wait. He changes from excited, to ready, to frustrated, to angry. Before he can get a mic to demand where is opponent is, Kingdom hits and Cody Rhodes makes his WWE re-debut. Seth Rollins' heel act is enough to get the sometimes-polarizing crowd onto Rhodes' side as he's new and exciting and they've completely forgotten that he was hand picked by Mr. McMahon and that is always a bad thing. The two are given a good 25 minutes to go back and forth before Rhodes hits the Cross Rhodes to pin Rollins and win his first WWE match in 6 years. On the Raw after 'Mania, Rhodes reintroduces himself to the WWE Universe with a few points: Mr. McMahon offered him so much money that he couldn't say no to walking back into the WWE. Mr. McMahon did this because Cody did what no one else did: he not only went out and grabbed the brass ring, but he grabbed the wrestling business by the brass balls and did what his father Dusty did, but more importantly what Mr. McMahon did: he created his own empire and bent the will of the entire industry to his will. While they may have been in opposition for a few years, Cody respects Mr. McMahon, and Mr. McMahon respects Cody - so what happens if they combine their giant grapefruit? What happens when Cody and Mr. McMahon work together? Besides, since Mr. McMahon no longer has an appropriate heir - one who doesn't know how to control a simple Rumble match and one who doesn't know how to hold onto his own tiny empire without having a heart attack, he's here to step up. Cue the boos, cue the slow and eventual Rollins' face-turn, cue the eventual Cody/Triple H stare down that unfortunately can't include a match, cue the eventual Cody/Shane match. Cue. the. boos.
Quixotronic Bullpen Predictions:
Kyle: Cody Rhodes
Andy: Seth Rollins
Ryan: Cody Rhodes
Tim: Seth Rollins
Smackdown Tag Team Titles Match : Rick Boogs & Shinsuke Nakamura vs The Usos (Jey & Jimmy Uso) ©
The Background: Rick Boogs defeated Jey Uso in a singles match on March 11th Smackdown, and then Shinsuke Nakamura defeated Jimmy Uso in a singles match on the March 25th Smackdown. Clearly this means that Boogs & Nakamura qualify for a Smackdown Tag Team titles shot.
Fanboy Fantasy: The well oiled machine that is the Usos take an early advantage on Nakamura - their quick tags prove to be too much for even his skills. Just when the Usos think they have the match won, Nakamura gets the hot tag to Rick Boogs who pounds the shit out of the Usos. He’s able to pick one up and throw them outright at the other and he cleans house. The Usos, sensing they may actually lose this match, resort to pulling out kendo sticks and laying waste to both men, but much more-so Boogs. They are quickly disqualified, but retain their titles. With Rick Boogs now legitimately injured, Nakamura is alone, but calm. At the Smackdown after 'Mania (in Milwaukee!), Nakamura interrupts Roman Reign's titles celebration (sorry, spoilers?) and very calmly tells him and the Usos that they injured his friend. His friend whom he considered family. That makes him very sad, but now he has a mission: he must hurt the Usos and their family, including Roman Reigns and those pretty titles he now has! Nakamura is plugged in as Reigns' first title challenger on the Smackdown side of things.
Quixotronic Bullpen Predictions:
Kyle: Rick Boogs & Shinsuke Nakamura - I think they'll use the Usos' title loss to show doubt in Reigns' ability to retain his title during night two.
Andy: Rick Boogs & Shinsuke Nakamura
Ryan: Rick Boogs & Shinsuke Nakamura
Tim: The Usos
Smackdown Women's Title Match : Ronda Rousey vs Charlotte Flair ©
The Background: Becky Lynch defeated both Raw Women's Champion Ronda Rousey and Smackdown Women's Champion Charlotte Flair in the main event of WWE WrestleMania 35. Fast forward three years and an ongoing #quixotine later and Ronda Rousey returned to win the WWE Royal Rumble 2022 with both Raw Women's Champion Becky Lynch and Smackdown Women's Champion Charlotte Flair as her two options (technically NXT Women's Champion Mandy Rose and NXT UK Women's Champion Meiko Satomura are also available). Despite attacking Lynch on the January 31 Raw, Rousey officially challenged Flair on the February 4 Smackdown. The two met at WWE Elimination Chamber 2022 in a tag team match that saw Rousey (with one arm tied behind her back) & Naomi defeat Flair and WWE Official Sonya Deville. Rousey defeated Deville in a singles match on the March 4th Smackdown before trying to snap Flair's arm. Flair returned the favor by attacking her in the Smackdown parking lot on the March 11th Smackdown. At least it wasn't the NXT parking lot - one of them may have murdered the other in that case. Now they will face off in the main event of WrestleMania Saturday.
Fanboy Fantasy: Rousey goes for the arm right away but Flair is able to fight smarter and escape every time Rousey almost has it. The two trade blows and submissions and are pretty even - it'll come down to whomever can hook their submission first. And they both prep for that throughout the match: Rousey focuses on leg and back blows to counter the eventual Figure-Eight while Flair focuses on arm and chest blows to counter the eventual armbar. Down the line when Flair gets Rousey down to get on the Figure-Eight, her back gives out and she can't convert the Figure-Four into the Figure-Eight. Rousey tries to pull Flairs all the way into the armbar, but her own arms lock up. It's not looking good for either to hit their finisher when everything just gets worse: Becky Lynch, taped up from her own match earlier in the night, sulks down the entryway. She makes it all the way down before either notice her and she grabs the Smackdown Women's title. While Flair notices and distracts the referee by complaining about leg soreness, Lynch yells at Rousey about how "she should have picked her, Ronnie. It always should have been us." Rousey gets in Lynch's face and Lynch clocks her with the title belt. Rousey goes down, Flair tells the referee that she's feeling better, and is able to bravely and valiantly get Rousey into the Figure-Eight. Rousey doesn't respond after the referee holds her arm up three times and the match is called: Charlotte Flair is still your Smackdown Women's Champion. Lynch enters the ring and throws Flair's belt at her before casing Rousey's downed body. She lets Rousey get up and the two brawl, but when it dawns on Rousey what happened, she gets pissed. Ronda Rousey pissed. Rousey is then able to take Lynch down and get his in the armbar and Lynch taps out right away, but it's not a match. The referee, knowing they had fucked up, let's Rousey hold onto the submission while Big Time Becks screams and screams, all while Charlotte Flair proudly poses with her title at the WrestleMania entryway. At WrestleMania Backlash, Flair defends against new #1 contender Naomi when Shayna Baszler shows up to blast Flair in the face with the title and cost her the match and championship. Ronda Rousey claps at the entryway and we finally have a mini-Horsewoman match set: Becky Lynch & Charlotte Flair will face off against Ronda Rousey & Shayna Baszler. No one has a title and everyone hates everyone else. Cue the Horsewoman violence.
Quixotronic Bullpen Predictions:
Kyle: Ronda Rousey - Since Rousey tapped out at WrestleMania 35, I think she'll get the redemption from that match and get the win here, giving Flair two WrestleMania main event loses - but she'll eventually get a main event win so it's fine.
Andy: Charlotte Flair
Ryan: Ronda Rousey
Tim: Ronda Rousey
The KO Show with Kevin Owens featuring special guest Steve Austin
The Background: Kevin Owens has been using the Stone Cold Stunner for some time now to the delight of everyone, even sometimes himself. After losing a Raw Tag Team Titles match with Seth Rollins on the March 7th Raw, Kevin Owens invited Steve Austin to WrestleMania 38 to be his personal guest on the KO Show. To get his point across, he hit a cameraman with the Stone Cold Stunner (and defended his hosting of the KO Show) on the March 14th Raw, and then dressed up as Stone Cold with a great bald cap on the March 21st Raw. Now after weeks of mocking him, he'll have to face the Texas Rattlesnake in the middle of the ring. In Texas.
Fanboy Fantasy: After the main event is over, there's one more segment: The KO Show. However when the show set is put up, it's been rebranded "The KO Broken Redneck Sessions." Owens enters wearing a very professional suit, blue note cards, and waves to the crowd as they shower him with boos. Sami Zayn in sunglasses despite it being night out shows up with him in a Hawaiian shirt and sets up behind a really crappy keyboard. The glass breaks and Stone Cold Steve Austin makes his way to the ring, eyes locked with Owens. Owens looks excited to see him and even tries to give him a hug, but Austin just stares at him ready for a fight. Owens shrugs it off and sits down at his desk, inviting Austin to do the same. Austin stays standing while Owens finally introduces everyone to the KO Broken Redneck Sessions - he laughs and remarks that he hopes Steve doesn't mind that he tweeked his own show's title - available on Peacock by the way. You hear that, Sami? Peacock! That's the streaming service they're all on! Ha ha!
Austin finally sits down while Owens starts to ask legitimate questions: when did Austin know he wanted to be a wrestler? When did he felt he had made it? What is his favorite curse word? Austin slowly becomes comfortable with it enough to give Owens very quick answers: When he was a kid. When he won the WWE World Title in the main event of WrestleMania (cheers!), "Hell yeah" (Hell yeah!). Everyone is finally having a good time when Owens gets to the last question: Steve, if heaven exists, what would you like to hear God, or Vince am I right?, say when you arrive? Austin grimaces for a second when Owens mentions Vince, but then happily thinks of his answer: I'd want him to say "let's have a beer!" Everyone laughs and Zayn reveals a cooler behind his keyboard and tosses both Austin and Owens a beer. Owens thanks Austin for coming onto his show as they crack open their beers and cheers one another. As Sami begins opening his own beer, Austin clinks beers with Owens and then smoothly kicks him in the gut and hits him with a Stone Cold Stunner and then drops down to talk shit to Owens' face. Zayn freezes in place but Austin turns to him - Zayn drops his beer and pleads that he has a match tomorrow night, he can't afford to-- Stone Cold Stunner. With Owens and Zayn both dead, several beers are shot out of cannons to Austin that he easily catches, opens, and smashes together before celebrating the only way he knows how: beers and middle fingers in the air, everyone is happy, goodnight.
Quixotronic Bullpen Predictions:
Kyle: Steve Austin - I dare WWE to end it with Owens hitting Austin with a Stone Cold Stunner and getting away with it. I dare them.
Andy: Kevin Owens
Ryan: Steve Austin
Tim: Kevin Owens
WWE WrestleMania 38 Sunday
AJ Styles vs Edge
The Background: After defeating the Miz & Maryse at WWE Royal Rumble 2022 along with Beth Phoenix, Edge decided to throw an open challenge out to anyone willing to face him at WrestleMania - and it appeared to be directed at a specific person. That specific person, AJ Styles, accepted Edge's open challenge on the February 28th Raw, and after thanking him Edge proceeded to turn heel and hit Styles with a chair multiple times and his several Con-Chair-To's. Edge debuted new, darker music on the March 7th Raw, and even personally chose AJ Styles by hitting him again with a chair while Seth Rollins challenged Styles to take his spot on the March 21st Raw. According to Edge, he and AJ Styles need each other. They've always run parallel, but never together, and it's their destiny to face each other.
Fanboy Fantasy: Edge comes out to his new darker music and soaks in the boos. AJ Styles gets a thunderous face cheer after wasting away as a heel with a heater. The two kick off WrestleMania Sunday with a 30+ minute match, and they trade advantage over and over and over. Despite their first match, both men have scouted the other even if just as fans over the last twenty years. Edge hits a spear, but Styles kicks out. Styles hits a Phenomenal Forearm, Edge kicks out. Edge hits a second spear, but he doesn't scout it and Styles is able to get a rope break. Edge freaks out - why hasn't he won yet? Edge goes under the ring for a chair and even takes a half-swing at Styles, but thinks better of himself before he connects. He doesn't want to be disqualified. While he has Styles otherwise down, he sets up the chair between the turnbuckles. After a few minutes he's able to throw Styles into the chair and Edge goes for a third spear - but Styles dodges and Edge goes head-first into the chair. Knocking the chair down, Styles is able to recover and hook the Styles Clash onto Edge right onto the chair to get the 1-2-3 and the win. On the Raw after 'Mania, AJ Styles is the first to congratulate the new WWE Worlds Heavyweight Champion and set himself up as the first contender on the Raw side of things. Edge, however, isn't done with AJ Styles just yet. Oh, no. He is not done yet.
Quixotronic Bullpen Predictions:
Kyle: AJ Styles - I think we'll see Roman Reigns win the titles in the main event, so he'll need some good guys with solid wins at WrestleMania to have as contenders, so I think AJ Styles will fit that bill.
Andy: Edge
Ryan: AJ Styles
Tim: Edge
Raw Tag Team Titles Match : Alpha Academy (Chad Gable & Otis Dozovic) vs Street Profits (Angelo Dawkins & Montez Ford) vs Matt Riddle & Randy Orton ©
The Background: Matt Riddle and Randy Orton's unlikely friendship led to the two winning the Raw Tag Team titles last year at WWE SummerSlam 2021. Though they briefly lost them to the Alpha Academy on the January 10 Raw, they were able to win them back on the March 7th Raw in a match that also featured Seth Rollins & Kevin Owens. Now they will defend both against the former champions Alpha Academy and also the Street Profits.
Fanboy Fantasy: Both Alpha Academy and Street Profits go after the champions right away and even work together to try to take them out. Riddle and Orton are able to escape heavy damage and even slip out once Alpha and Profits finally turn on one another. Riddle and Orton are able to regroup and hit stereo RKOs and pin one of each team to retain the Raw Tag Team titles. A month or two later, they finally drop the belts to the Street Profits, but instead of turning on each other (or more specifically Orton turning on Riddle), they decide they had a good run and they'll support each other in the future endeavors. This impresses the WWE Worlds Heavyweight Champion who makes them face each other to become the #1 contender to his title. They do and Riddle bests Orton - and Orton shakes his hand afterwards.
Quixotronic Bullpen Predictions:
Kyle: The Street Profits - I think this one is a toss-up but I'd like to see the Street Profits be champions again.
Andy: The Street Profits
Ryan: The Street Profits
Tim: Chad Gable & Otis
Austin Theory vs Pat McAfee
The Background: Despite rumors stating that Smackdown announcer (and former NXT... performer?) Pat McAfee would face Mr. McMahon at WrestleMania, it was thankfully announced on the March 4th Smackdown that McAfee would instead be facing Mr. McMahon's protégé Austin Theory. The two brawled on the March 11th Smackdown, and McAfee was forced to apologize to Theory on the March 18th Smackdown. However then McAfee distracted Theory on the March 21st Raw in his match with Finn Bálor causing a loss. Now they will fight!
Fanboy Fantasy: Throughout night one, we get some 24/7 title shenanigans: Dana Brooke and Reggie celebrate their recent engagement and WrestleMania weekend by Reggie playfully pinning Brooke for the title, and then her pinning him back to get it back. This is quickly interrupted by Akira Tozawa bursting in and pinning Brooke for the title, and then presenting it to Tamina. Tamina socks him in the face with the ring he gave her and pins him for the title, and then kissed him and storms away. Later on as Tamina is storming through the halls, The Hurricane shows up and choke slams her to pin her and take the title. It doesn’t last long as Nikki ASH pounces the legend and pins him for the title. By this point Dana Brooke returns to pin ASH and she runs off with the title. Alexa Bliss shows up to comfort ASH and to set them up as a new (old?) demon/villain team. Later on Impact/NWA’s Mickie James is interviewed backstage about being in the Rumble and here at WrestleMania despite being signed elsewhere - Brooke runs past and James is able to smoothly grab her and pin her to take the title. James smiles and turns the other way but right into Trish Stratus. The two greet each other but then slide into an almost technical little match backstage that see Trish take the title. Later on, Trish runs into Austin Theory (finally) - he asks for a selfie, but as he takes the picture he pins her and takes the title, ending night one as champion. As night two begins, X-Pac congratulates Theory on his big title win and upcoming match, and when Theory gets a selfie with him, Waltman hits an X-Factor and takes the title. Pat McAfee confronts X-Pac right after and pins him for the title - he shows it off to Theory and tells him he’ll be ready for their match. Their match finally comes and while McAfee can more than hold his own, Theory gets the win and the 24/7 title. While he celebrates, everyone traditionally dicking around in the 24/7 division surrounds Theory and chase him away. Backstage Theory is shown hiding when Shane McMahon appears, dives off something, and pins him but leaves the title. Shane is back and ready to reclaim his family position, whether his dad or Cody Rhodes want him to or not. Extra synergy: all 24/7 winners can be played as in WWE 2K22. You're welcome?
Quixotronic Bullpen Predictions:
Kyle: Austin Theory - Theory will finally do right by Mr. McMahon and win a big match. Big-ish. Okay, a match.
Andy: Pat McAfee
Ryan: Austin Theory
Tim: Austin Theory
Bobby Lashley vs Omos
The Background: After Omos defeated the Viking Raiders in a two-on-one handicap match on the March 28th Raw, Bobby Lashley returned and knocked Omos down, challenging him to a match. That's it.
Fanboy Fantasy: The two beasts smash into each other a few times with neither budging. After a few more smashes both start to feel it. They continue for a few minutes trying to bash each other down (neither man has fallen yet) when Lashley gets Omos turned around and is able to get the Hurt Locker on--- almost. Omos is able to keep Lashley from connecting the full lock just by size alone. Omos backs Lashley up into the turnbuckle, pushes further to force Lashley to step up one rope, then two, and when Lashley is forced to the top, Omos flips him forward and slams him with his two-handed chokeslam. Omos makes the cover 1-2-3. MVP is shocked and Lashley is dazed. Over the next month we get Rocky-like montages of MVP retraining Lashley and eventually we Lashley gets his revenge by powerslamming and then hooking the Hurt Locker on Omos at SummerSlam.
Quixotronic Bullpen Predictions:
Kyle: Omos - I think this will be the shocker of the night if they want to make Omos a made guy.
Andy: Omos
Ryan: Bobby Lashley
Tim: Bobby Lashley
Anything Goes Match : Johnny Knoxville vs Sami Zayn
The Background: Johnny Knoxville was announced as participating in the WWE Royal Rumble 2022, and while many may have reacted poorly to this announcement, conspiracy victim Sami Zayn took the news personally. Zayn was able to eliminate Knoxville from the match, though he was soon eliminated himself while distracted by Knoxville. Later on Knoxville again cost Zayn a match, and his WWE Intercontinental title, to Ricochet on the March 4th Smackdown. Now they will face off in an Anything Goes Match which is somehow not billed as a "Jackass Match."
Fanboy Fantasy: Sami Zayn shows up wearing a neck brace from last night's Stone Cold Stunner and tries to claim that he is not medically cleared to compete tonight, let alone in a "hardcore" match. Johnny Knoxville, complete with a Raven-shopping cart with Jackass-style weapons, shows off footage of Kevin Owens fitting Zayn with the neck brace hours before the show as the two discussed not being embarrassed by the star of Jackass. As Zayn demands to know where he got that footage from, the bell rings and Knoxville punches Zayn in the dick with a modified Nerf gun to start the match. After recovering, Zayn rips his neck brace off and tries to choke out Knoxville with it, but he's able to grab a Stop sign from the cart and hit him with it. Zayn tries to hit some traditional wrestling moves on Knoxville (which he takes like a champ), but the weapons that Knoxville brought (surfboard, giant hand, so many crotch-related items) are too much for Zayn. Knoxville is able to knock out Zayn for three seconds to score the (upset?) victory, and again Zayn demands that it was only a two when he wakes up. Kevin Owens finally comes out to challenge the victory as well, but the referee won't change the outcome. Owens hits a Stone Cold Stunner on the referee and then on Johnny Knoxville! Of course, then the glass shatters and Stone Cold Steve Austin (on an ATV no less) blasts out of the entryway and chases down both Zayn and Owens. Each of them get another true Stone Cold Stunner for the weekend, and Austin and Knoxville celebrate with beers in the middle of the ring. After their first drink though, Knoxville clearly asks for Austin to give him a Stone Cold Stunner. Austin doesn't understand, but Knoxville is able to talk him into it - Austin hits it, Knoxville goes down, and Austin celebrates more. When the camera zooms in on Knoxville - he's smiling.
Quixotronic Bullpen Predictions:
Kyle: Johnny Knoxville - Sami Zayn will deserve a whole shopping cart of Slammy awards because he's gonna let Knoxville kick his ass.
Andy: Sami Zayn
Ryan: Johnny Knoxville
Tim: Sami Zayn
WWE Women's Tag Team Titles Match : Liv Morgan & Rhea Ripley vs Naomi & Sasha Banks vs Natalya & Shayna Baszler vs Carmella & Queen Zelina Vega ©
The Background: Carmella & Queen Zelina Vega defeated the brief team of Nikki ASH & Rhea Ripley to win the WWE Women's Tag Team titles on the November 22 (2021) Raw. Since then ASH & Ripley broke up, but now the champions will face three other new teams: Liv Morgan & Rhea Ripley, Naomi & Sasha Banks, and Natalya & Shayna Baszler.
Fanboy Fantasy: This match is a goddamn mess with everyone tagging in and out and it devolves quickly to a Texas Tornado match since the referee can only stop them so many times. After miscommunication, Shayna Baszler chokes out Natalya and walks out of the match while medics take away Natalya. Ripley/Morgan and Naomi/Banks essentially fight over who his kicking the crap out of Carmella/Vega more and continue to break each other's pins. Liv Morgan finally gets the pin on Carmella to win her first gold in WWE. Carmella and Zelina Vega soon break up, as do the other two teams. Naomi scores the Smackdown Women's title after Baszler attacks her in revenge for Ronda Rousey to start off some Horsewomen violence, giving us the new though loose teams of Becky Lynch & Charlotte Flair and Ronda Rousey & Shayna Baszler. Alexa Bliss and Nikki ASH realize they see more eye to eye now since they're both cartoonish supervillains, and Carmella takes on Tamina as her new heater/partner. Bayley returns to try and reteam with Sasha Banks, and the new NXT Women's Tag Team Champions Dakota Kai & Raquel Gonzalez decide to make regular visits to the main roster in a bid to unify the gold - and they do at SummerSlam when they defeat Ripley & Morgan.
Quixotronic Bullpen Predictions:
Kyle: Liv Morgan & Rhea Ripley - Out of the three new teams we have all of the sudden, they look like they may actually have some longevity as a team? I'd rather see Banks/Naomi and Baszler/Natalya in singles action anyway.
Andy: Natalya & Shayna Baszler
Ryan: Natalya & Shayna Baszler
Tim: Liv Morgan & Rhea Ripley
WWE World & Universal Titles Match : Brock Lesnar © vs Roman Reigns ©
The Background: Brock Lesnar and Roman Reigns first faced each other in the main event of WrestleMania back at WrestleMania 31 when Brock Lesnar defended his WWE World Heavyweight title against Royal Rumble winner Roman Reigns - and Seth Rollins spoiled (saved?) everything by cashing in his Money in the Bank briefcase during the main event to pin Reigns to become the new WWE World Heavyweight champion. They met again at WrestleMania 34, again Brock Lesnar defending his WWE Universal title against challenger Roman Reigns (Shinsuke Nakamura had won the Royal Rumble to face WWE World Champion AJ Styles), but this time Lesnar decisively pinned and defeated Roman Reigns. Now four years later, both men are in different places: Brock Lesnar has won the WWE World title at WWE Elimination Chamber 2022, and is a happy lumberjack cowboy good guy for the first time in literally twenty years. Seriously, he wears cowboy hats and everything. Roman Reigns is finally the hated heel he was always meant to be, setting himself up as the Head of the Table for his Samoan family and cousins the Usos, and last won the WWE Universal title way back at WWE Payback 2020 - over 575 days ago, beating the record previously set by Lesnar with the title at 503 (recognized) days. Since both men have gold, they will do what the must: fight for both and unify the titles.
Fanboy Fantasy: Big match time. Roman Reigns enters with the Smackdown Tag Team champions the Usos and Paul Heyman. Brock Lesnar appears with Kurt Angle and soon-to-be Raw superstar Gable Steveson and his brother and Performance Center recruit Bobby Steveson. Roman doesn’t even look at any of them while the Usos laugh at the Steveson Brothers. After introductions, which they do NXT Takeover style if that is possible outside, the match starts and it’s a slow start. While the two warm up, shots of multiple performers are shown viewing the main event: Mr. McMahon in a box with both Austin Theory & Cody Rhodes, Triple H in a separate box with Stephanie and Shane McMahon, guys in the back watching screens like AJ Styles, Shinsuke Nakamura, and Finn Bálor all together, Matt Riddle with Randy Orton, Ricochet and Drew McIntyre. All possible future title contenders. We even get a shot from the Local Medical Facility of Kevin Owens watching on his phone while both he and Sami Zayn have their necks looked at. Everyone is watching. The match itself, unlike previous finisher-filled matches, is surprisingly submission based with both trying to hook their Guillotine Choke holds. They also each work the chest and back areas, but any time one even thinks of going for a Spear or F5, the other counters it before they can hit them. The Usos of course try to interfere but the Steveson Brothers surprise them and take them out, leaving Heyman cowering as Angle stares him down. Angle flinches and Heyman runs off, hiding behind the announce table. While he’s there, the match spills to the outside where Lesnar is able to finally get Roman up for an F5 but while on the announce table and Heyman is hit on the destruction. Lesnar and Angle both check on Heyman to see if he’s okay, but it turns out he was playing dead long enough for Roman to recover. Roman hits Angle with a Superman Punch, hits Lesnar with a Superman Punch, and then half rolls Lesnar back into the ring, exposing him for a Driver-By. Lesnar recovers by the time Roman gets back in the ring but it’s too late. Roman hits the Spear in the middle of the ring, followed by a second, followed by a third. Roman hooks him into his Guillotine Choke and Lesnar. Taps. Out. Roman Reigns is the new WWE Worlds Heavyweight Champion. Roman poses with roughly 575 days into his #6 ranked title reign. AJ Styles emerges as his first contender on Raw while Shinsuke Nakamura seeks revenge for the Usos’ injuring of Rick Boogs to be the first challenger on Smackdown. Don Roman even makes a rare appearance on NXT 2.0 to introduce himself to Bron Steiner to tell him to keep it up kid, but don’t get too cocky too quick. Roman Reigns holds onto his title for another year to face his cousin The Rock at WrestleMania 39 in Hollywood - and retains at around 940 days. Thanks to deals between companies as the Forbidden Door flourishes through professional wrestling, Roman Reigns defends against both Seth Rollins and Jon Moxley at WrestleMania 40 - and retains at around 1305 days. Another year goes by and Roman Reigns continues to rule over WWE until WrestleMania 41 where he meets newly-face Sami Zayn, recast in his old underdog persona, in the main event and Roman Reigns loses for the first time in nearly 5 years, ending his reign near the 1670 day mark, sliding him comfortably into the #2 spot for all time WWE champions behind only Bruno Sammartino’s 2803 day title reign. Everyone is happy and loves Sami Zayn, even Johnny Knoxville. His best friend Kevin Owens holds a Champions Celebration for him on the Raw after ‘Mania, and well, we all know how that needs to go. Fight forever, friends. Fight forever.
Quixotronic Bullpen Predictions:
Kyle: Roman Reigns - #DonRomanIsPleased
Andy: Roman Reigns
Ryan: Brock Lesnar
Tim: Brock Lesnar
That's it for our huge-ass preview and fantasy booking for some of WWE WrestleMania 38 weekend. There's a million other shows like NJPW, GCW, MLW, Bloodsport, pretty much everyone but AEW, but even their guys are sprinkled throughout. I kinda appreciate Tony Khan giving Vince the weekend, even if he's sharing it with literally everyone else anyway. If you want, a bunch of them are on Fite.
We'll be back... later? We're going to skip Impact Rebellion 2022 (April 23, 2022) even though we're looking forward to Josh Alexander vs Moose, but we'll probably be back for WWE (WrestleMania) Backlash 2022 (May 8, 2022) and AEW Double or Nothing 2022 (May 29, 2022). Maybe I'll clip together a compilation for what I pieced together for Quixo-WrestleMania 38 now that I finally took care of Undertaker/Fiend. Whatever, time to sleep. Thanos animated gif.
Please checkout a full season of all-fantasy Quixo booking with WWE 2021 : Quixo-WrestleMania 37, Quixo-Great American Bash 2021, and Quixo-SummerSlam 2021! What's better than some fantasy booking? All fantasy booking.
Thanks for joining us again and be sure to subscribe on Facebook and follow https://www.quixotronic.com/ for more questionable content.