Welcome back! It’s been a month since we last spoke and-- what? It’s been a week? Are you sure? I know every month feels like a decade this year but it couldn’t have only been a week. What? We should stop this bit because it’s not funny? Fine fine fine.
Anyway, it’s been a week since we last battled in THE THUNDERDOME, now home to WWE’s Raw and Smackdown brands. I can only assume we want to break this thing in as fast as we can like how all cars lose value as soon as you drive them off the lot.
WWE Payback is essentially an epilogue to last week’s SummerSlam, because how could it not be? At least they are natural continuations - Apollo Crews just beat MVP so now he’ll face MVP’s enforcer Bobby Lashley, Seth Rollins beat Dominic Mysterio so now he’ll face both Mysterios with Buddy Murphy, etc. Does this show need to be this week? No. Is it ESSENTIAL. Oh god yes. Let’s get to it.
Previously on Fanboy Wrestletronic…
Standings going into NXT Takeover XXX & WWE SummerSlam 2020::
Kyle: 57% (36-27)
Ryan: 57% (4-3)
Tim: 50% (13-13)
Who will survive!?
NXT Takeover XXX results & scores:
#1 Contendership Match for the NXT Tag Team Titles: Breezango (Fandango & Tyler Breeze) vs Danny Burch & Oney Lorcan vs Legado del Fantasma (Joaquin Wilde & Raul Mendoza)
Your Winners: Breezango
Kyle: Danny Burch & Oney Lorcan (0-1 / 36-28)
Ryan: Breezango (1-0 / 5-3)
Tim: Legado del Fantasma (0-1 / (13-14)
Finn Balor vs Timothy Thatcher
Your Winner: Finn Balor
Kyle: Timothy Thatcher (0-2 / 36-29)
Ryan: Finn Balor (2-0 / 6-3)
Tim: Timothy Thatcher (0-2 / 13-15)
NXT North American Title Ladder Match: Bronson Reed vs Cameron Grimes vs Damian Priest vs Johnny Gargano vs Velveteen Dream
Your Winner, and NEW NXT North American Champion: Damian Priest
Kyle: Damian Priest (1-2 / 37-29)
Ryan: Velveteen Dream (2-1 / 6-4)
Tim: Velveteen Dream (0-3 / 13-16)
Adam Cole vs Pat McAfee
Your Winner: Adam Cole
Kyle: Adam Cole (2-2 / 38-29)
Ryan: Adam Cole (3-1 / 7-4)
Tim: Adam Cole (1-3 / 14-16)
NXT Women’s Title Match: Dakota Kai vs Io Shirai ©
Your Winner: Io Shirai
Kyle: Io Shirai (3-2 / 39-29)
Ryan: Io Shirai (4-1 / 8-4)
Tim: Io Shirai (2-3 / 15-16)
NXT Title Match: Karrion Kross vs Keith Lee ©
Your Winner, and NEW NXT Champion: Karrion Kross
Kyle: Karrion Kross (4-2 / 40-29)
Ryan: Keith Lee (4-2 / 8-5)
Tim: Keith Lee (2-4 / 15-17)
WWE SummerSlam 2020 results & scores:
WWE United States Title Match: MVP vs Apollo Crews ©
Your Winner: Apollo Crews
Kyle: MVP (0-1 / 40-30)
Ryan: Apollo Crews (1-0 / 9-5)
Tim: Apollo Crews (1-0 / 16-17)
WWE Smackdown Women’s Title Match: Asuka vs Bayley ©
Your Winner: Bayley
Kyle: Asuka (0-2 / 40-31)
Ryan: Asuka (1-1 / 9-6)
Tim: Asuka (1-1 / 16-18)
WWE Raw Tag Team Titles Match: Andrade Almas & Angel Garza vs Street Profits (Angelo Dawkins & Montez Ford) ©
Your Winners: The Street Profits
Kyle: Andrade & Angel Garza (0-3 / 40-32)
Ryan: Andrade & Angel Garza (1-2 / 9-7)
Tim: Street Profits (2-1 / 17-18)
No DQ Loser Leaves Town Match: Mandy Rose vs Sonya Deville
Your Winner: Mandy Rose
Kyle: Mandy Rose (1-3 / 41-32)
Ryan: Mandy Rose (2-2 / 10-7)
Tim: Sonya Deville (2-2 / 17-19)
Street Fight: Dominik Mysterio vs Seth Rollins
Your Winner: Seth Rollins
Kyle: Seth Rollins (2-3 / 42-32)
Ryan: Dominik Mysterio (2-3 / 10-8)
Tim: Dominik Mysterio (2-3 / 17-20)
WWE Raw Women’s Title Match: Asuka vs Sasha Banks ©
Your Winner, and NEW WWE Raw Women’s Champion: Asuka
Kyle: Asuka (3-3 / 43-32)
Ryan: Asuka (3-3 / 11-8)
Tim: Asuka (3-3 / 18-20)
WWE World Title Match: Randy Orton vs Drew McIntyre ©
Your Winner: Drew McIntyre
Kyle: Drew McIntyre (4-3 / 44-32)
Ryan: Drew McIntyre (4-3 / 12-8)
Tim: Drew McIntyre (4-3 / 19-20)
WWE Universal Title Match: Bray Wyatt vs Braun Strowman ©
Your Winner, and NEW WWE Universal Champion: Bray Wyatt
Kyle: Bray Wyatt (5-3 / 45-32)
Ryan: Bray Wyatt (5-3 / 13-8)
Tim: Bray Wyatt (5-3 / 20-20)
And now the conclusion…
New standings going into WWE Payback:
First Place: Ryan, 62% (13-8)
Second Place: Kyle, 58% (45-32)
Third Place: Tim, 50% (20-20)
Quixo-Important News: These rankings will be used… at some point?... to enact some form of shame-based punishment on the loser. We could praise and gift the winner, but where’s the fun in that? Shame is the right answer in 2020. Look out for that in the future.
If you want to watch live on Saturday and Sunday, you’ll want to subscribe to the WWE Network. Until then, here’s your Quixotronic preview of the show.
WWE Payback
*Background segments this week will be brought to you from the Grant Morrison School of All Star Superman Origins, where every origin is only 8 words long*
Big E vs Sheamus
The Background: New Day rocks. Big E singles push. Yes.
Fanboy Fantasy: Sheamus comes out to the ring flanked by Miz and Morrison while Big E comes out with the now healthy full New Day. Big E defeats Sheamus easily and Sheamus in retaliation attacks Miz and leaves. New Day corner a loopy Miz and Big E pins Miz for fun - for a 5 count!
Quixotronic Bullpen Predictions:
Kyle: Big E - The fact that we've pointed out Big E is getting a singles push on television I think means he should be the one primed to go over. Sheamus has won literally everything except the Intercontinental title. He doesn't need this win. Send him after Jeff Hardy again with less pee this time.
Ryan: Big E
Tim: Big E
Rey & Dominik Mysterio vs Seth Rollins & Buddy Murphy
The Background: Father, son. Monday night messiah. Eyeballs everywhere. Fight!
Fanboy Fantasy: I was really hoping Dominik was being written off television. I want to like it, but the WCW fan in me can only see David Flair in this storyline. At least he hasn’t turned on Rey already and joined the nWo Wolfpac?
Filthy Animals 4 life. Where my dogs at?
Quixotronic Bullpen Predictions:
Kyle: Rey & Dominik Mysterio
Ryan: Rey & Dominik Mysterio
Tim: Rey & Dominik Mysterio - Mysterio plus Mysterio minus depth perception divided by Eddie Guerrero equals win
Baron Corbin vs Matt Riddle
The Background: King of the Ring! King of the Bros!
Fanboy Fantasy: Baron Corbin dubbed Chad Gable as “Shorty G” at some point this year. I don’t remember when because of all my internalized anger about it. Since Riddle has been called up to Smackdown, Gable has since attacked him, seemingly helping Corbin. I would have Gable interfere in the match causing a double DQ after he attacks both men because he’s a fucking Olympian despite only partnering with Kurt Angle’s son, Jason Jordan, as the team American Alpha. Gable wants to fight everyone. And because I randomly want this team, have Drew Gulak start teaming with him in a feud between Gable/Gulak vs Riddle and Corbin who absolutely hate each other but find common enemies. It’ll be a sadder version of the brilliance that was Riddle and Pete Dunne, but Corbin needs something to do until Roman Reigns wins the big one and Corbin steps in to take it from him right away.
Quixotronic Bullpen Predictions:
Kyle: Matt Riddle - Honestly I'm going with the idea that we have a bad guy champion in Bray Wyatt and its more likely to send Riddle after Wyatt with this win than sending Baron Corbin after the champ for now. Not until Roman Reigns wins it and I don't think that will happen here either.
Ryan: Matt Riddle
Tim: Baron Corbin - Rooting for the Bro but I think Corbin will win and now that we’re instituting shame based or elites for the loser of the picks I need to actually try.
Keith Lee vs Randy Orton
The Background: Legend Killer. Limitless. NXT call up. Please bask.
Fanboy Fantasy: Keith Lee wins. We can even save Orton by having McIntyre interfere and hitting the Claymore while the ref is knocked out (by an RKO out of frustration of course) but Keith Lee pins Randy Orton. End of fantasy, back to reality.
Quixotronic Bullpen Predictions:
Kyle: Randy Orton - I want Lee to win but I think he'll join the long list of basically everyone to lose their first major match on the main roster. That'll make new stars, right?
Ryan: Keith Lee
Tim: Keith Lee - KEITH LEE! KEITH LEE! KEITH LEE!
WWE United States Title Match: Bobby Lashley vs Apollo Crews ©
The Background: Kingpin of Hurt Business. Angry. Lashley will enforce.
Fanboy Fantasy: MVP would come out before the match begins and invites Crews to defend his title in the Raw Underground, for this night only now the Payback Underground. Crews holds his own with Lashley until Lashley hits the spear, but the match is then paused (not interrupted or stopped because I don’t think that’s how it works?) by Corbin, Riddle, and Gable still fighting their way through the Thunderdome and crashing the Underground. Crews uses this to his advantage and is able to pin Lashley to hopefully end the feud, even if just for a bit to give him some new challengers.
Quixotronic Bullpen Predictions:
Kyle: Bobby Lashley - like last time, why are we still doing this if not to give the title over to the Hurt Business? Lashley makes more sense than MVP and we need a reason for MVP to tell us that Business is Booming.
Ryan: Apollo Crews
Tim: Apollo Crews - here is your Carl Weathers gif:
WWE Women’s Tag Team Titles Match: Nia Jax & Shayna Baszler vs Bayley & Sasha Banks ©
The Background: Two-Woman power trip no more. New power?
Fanboy Fantasy: Jax and Baszler have trouble working as a unit because they really shouldn’t be able to. They would be the most powerful team if they could, but no, that’s not how either character works. Jax gets her team disqualified after she attacks the ref after a “bad call” and Bayley/Banks win the match. However Baszler gets Sasha Banks into a chokehold and refuses the let go - her team already lost so why should she? Bayley runs away with all three titles leaving Banks.
Quixotronic Bullpen Predictions:
Kyle: Nia Jax & Shayna Baszler - I think the tag titles should be the last title lost by Bayley/Banks but with the weird ass power team that is Jax/Baszler... yeah, fuck it.
Ryan: Nia Jax & Shayna Baszler
Tim: Nia Jax & Shayna Baszler - I thought the Generals were due!
WWE Universal Title Match: Braun Strowman vs Roman Reigns vs Bray Wyatt ©
The Background: The Monster. The Fiend. The new fucking teeth.
Fanboy Fantasy: Braun tries to work together with Reigns against Wyatt, but Reigns actively dismisses any double team moves Braun tries. Wyatt no-sells everything Strowman or Reigns do to him, but easily cons them into fighting each other - he disappears only the reappear as Firefly Funhouse Bray Wyatt on the Titantron to watch the rest of the match. Everytime Strowman or Reigns hit a big move, the Thunderdome screens get fuzzy and revert to pictures of various versions of Wyatt - Firefly, Swamp, Fiend, even one or two Husky Harrises. The Wyatt images stay longer and longer while Reigns and Strowman beat the shit out of each other until Strowman, having not done a super insane power move in a while, throws Reigns, fastball special style, into the Thunderdome screens. Reigns escapes, Wolverine in the Hellfire Club sewers style, and at this point all the Thunderdome screens are Wyatt clearly watching Reigns - no more fans. Reigns gets back in the ring, hits the Superman punch, sets up for the spear, and just as he kicks off all the lights and screens go out. The Thunderdome screens kick back in, first with just white and red lights, but then with only the Firefly puppet characters. In the middle of the ring Strowman is down, Wyatt easily pinning him, and Reigns is on the outside with Paul Heyman trying to wake him up. The ref counts the pin and Wyatt wins. The lights go out again and come back on but both Wyatt and Strowman are gone. This sets up my never-ending quest to have Strowman work for Wyatt again as his unneeded enforcer and we get to watch Reigns and Strowman murder eachother for a while before we get back to Reigns/Wyatt outright.
Quixotronic Bullpen Predictions:
Kyle: Bray Wyatt - Reigns/Wyatt was a potential title match going into WrestleMania 36 before it was split off to Reigns/Goldberg and Wyatt/Cena. Obviously it didn't happen for a multitude of reasons, but that's a high profile match. Reigns isn't beating Wyatt in a three way or any time before WrestleMania 37. Plus the potential for several more months of Reigns and Strowman trying to one-up each other in murder matches is too damn tempting and that doesn't need a title. Just a will to murder.
Ryan: Roman Reigns
Tim: Bray Wyatt - Still picking with the Fiend because I want to live. (I mean, I guess. It IS 2020.)
That’s it for our WWE Payback 2020 previews. We’ll be back next week (AGAIN?!) with AEW All Out. When they say they’re an ESSENTIAL BUSINESS they weren’t kidding...
Thanks for joining us again and be sure to subscribe on Facebook and follow https://www.quixotronic.com/ for more questionable content.