It’s that oh so special time of the summer where WWE loads the charcoal, lights up the grill, and serves us a double helping of sweet sweet barbecued wrestling in the form of an NXT Takeover Brooklyn and WWE SummerSlam. Wait, what? We’re still in Quixotine™? NXT Takeover wasn’t supposed to be in Brooklyn anyway? Boston cancelled also? We’re entering the Thunder-what now?
So yes, as the world is still on fire, the essential business that is WWE is still putting on their major summer shows. Takeover (I believe) will still be out of the WWE Performance Center while SummerSlam (along with Friday’s edition of Smackdown as well as all future Raws and Smackdowns) will be out of Orlando’s Armway Center in the WWE THUNDERDOME.
With fans digitally inserted into the arena (as with the NBA) we’ll see how it goes. As long as Tina Turner is somewhere hiding in the background then literally everything will be worth it. Everything.
We’re getting Mel Gibson instead, aren’t we? Of course we are. Is it at least 80’s-era Mad Max/Lethal Weapon Mel Gibson? Maybe even What Women Want Mel Gibson? No, it’s definitely drunk racist Mel Gibson? This is why we can’t have nice things.
Also, the few of you who grace me with your eyes (your sweet delicious eyes) may have noticed that I did not write up a review of the previous show, WWE The Horrorshow at Extreme Rules. Well the Quixotine™ is taking longer than expected (long enough for me to decide that the trademark pending joke is done and have awarded us a full fake trademark!) and I just have more fun with previews and predictions. I’ll keep track of our guesses from the last show to open each new preview but otherwise - no more reviews. They’re boring and full of disappointment. And speaking of - how were we disappointed last time?
Previously on Fanboy Wrestletronic…
Standings going into both Impact Wrestling Slammiversary and WWE The Horrorshow at Extreme Rules:
Kyle : 62% (31-19)
Tim : 52% (11-10)
Ryan : 0% (0-2)
Who will survive!?
Impact Wrestling Slammiversary results & scores:
Open Challenge Match: TBA vs The Rascalz (Dezmond Xavier & Zachary Wentz)
Your Winners: The Motor City Machine Guns (Alex Shelley & Chris Sabin)
Kyle: Good Brothers (Doc Gallows & Karl Anderson) (0-1 / 31-20)
TNA World Title “Old School” Match: Tommy Dreamer vs Moose ©
Your Winner: Moose
Kyle: Moose (1-1 / 32-20)
Gauntlet for the Gold for Impact Knockouts Title #1 Contendership: Alisha Edwards vs Havok vs John E. Bravo vs Katie Forbes vs Kiera Hogan vs Kimber Lee vs Kylie Rae vs Madison Rayne vs Nevaeh vs Rosemary vs Susie vs Tasha Steelz vs Taya Valkyrie
Your Winner: Kylie Rae (last eliminating Taya Valkyrie)
Kyle: Alisha Edwards (1-2 / 32-21)
Impact X-Division Title Match: Chris Bey vs Willie Mack ©
Your Winner, and NEW Impact X-DIvision Champion: Chris Bey
Kyle: Willie Mack (1-3 / 32-22)
Impact Tag Team Titles Match: Ken Shamrock vs Sami Callihan vs The North (Ethan Page & Josh Alexander) ©
Your winners: The North
Kyle: Ken Shamrock & Sami Callihan (1-4 / 32-23)
Impact Knockouts Title Match: Deonna Purrazzo vs Jordynne Grace ©
Your winner, and NEW Impact Knockouts Champion: Deonna Purrazzo
Kyle: Jordynne Grace (1-5 / 32-24)
Impact World Title Match: Ace Austin vs Eddie Edwards vs Trey Miguel vs TBA Eric Young vs TBA Rich Swann
Your winner, and NEW Impact World Champion: Eddie Edwards
Kyle: EC3 (1-6 / 32-25)
WWE The Horrorshow at Extreme Rules results & scores:
Pre-Show Match: Buddy Murphy vs Kevin Owens
Your Winner: Kevin Owens
n/a (unannounced beforehand)
WWE Smackdown Tag Team Titles Tables Match: Cesaro & Shinsuke Nakamura vs New Day (Big E & Kofi Kingston) ©
Your winners, and NEW WWE Smackdown Tag Team Champions: Cesaro & Shinsuke Nakamura
Kyle: Cesaro & Shinsuke Nakamura (1-0 / 33-26)
Ryan: Cesaro & Shinsuke Nakamura (1-0 / 1-2)
Tim: New Day (0-1 / 11-11)
WWE Smackdown Women’s Title Match: Nikki Cross vs Bayley ©
Your winner: Bayley
Kyle: Bayley (2-0 / 34-26)
Ryan: Nikki Cross (1-1 / 1-3)
Tim: Nikki Cross (0-2 / 11-12)
WWE United States Title Match: MVP vs Apollo Crews ©
Your winner: no contest
n/a (match did not actually happen)
Eye for an Eye Match: Rey Mysterio vs Seth Rollins
Your winner: Seth Rollins
Kyle: Rey Mysterio (2-1 / 34-27)
Ryan: Seth Rollins (2-1 / 2-3)
Tim: Rey Mysterio (0-3 / 11-13)
WWE Raw Women’s Title Match: Sasha Banks vs Asuka ©
Your winner: no contest (again)
n/a (Banks walked off with the title but no winner was called)
WWE World Title Extreme-for-Ziggler-only Match: Dolph Ziggler vs Drew McIntyre ©
Your winner: Drew McIntyre
Kyle: Drew McIntyre (3-1 / 35-27)
Ryan: Drew McIntyre (3-1 / 3-3)
Tim: Drew McIntyre (1-3 / 12-13)
Swamp Fight: Braun Strowman vs Bray Wyatt
Your winner?: Bray Wyatt
Kyle: Bray Wyatt (4-1 / 36-27)
Ryan: Bray Wyatt (4-1 / 4-3)
Tim: Bray Wyatt (2-3 / 13-13)
And now the conclusion…
Kyle : 57% (36-27)
Ryan : 57% (4-3)
Tim : 50% (13-13)
If you want to watch live on Saturday and Sunday, you’ll want to subscribe to the WWE Network. Until then, here’s your Quixotronic preview of the show.
NXT Takeover XXX
#1 Contendership Match for the NXT Tag Team Titles: Breezango (Fandango & Tyler Breeze) vs Danny Burch & Oney Lorcan vs Legado del Fantasma (Joaquin Wilde & Raul Mendoza)
The Background: Breezango and Legado del Fantasma have been circling each other for a while now, primarily based on Breezango backing up Drake Maverick after El Hijo del Fantasma revealed himself as Santos Escobar. After defeating Maverick in the NXT Cruiserweight Title tournament final, Escobar made the reveal while Wilde & Mendoza attacked Maverick on the June 10th NXT. Breezango, having lost a NXT Tag Team titles opportunity against champions Imperium on the June 17th NXT teamed with Maverick a week later but were defeated by the new cruiserweight trio. Legado del Fantasma went on to defeat Breezango again on the July 8th NXT when they again teamed with Maverick as well as on the August 19th NXT when they teamed with Isaiah “Swerve” Scott. Danny Burch and Oney Lorcan on the other hand have been losing singles matches lately but are also here and loved.
Fanboy Fantasy: Santos Escobar interferes throughout the match until Drake Maverick makes the save. While Burch/Lorcan help Maverick keep Escobar and Wilde on the outside, Breeze and ‘dango are able to corner Mendoza to score the pinfall. Breezango go on to defeat Imperium and bring the NXT Tag Team titles back home as well as win their first (!!!!) championship. Lorcan and Burch go join Maverick in his battle with Legado del Fantasma and we get a fatal four way between them for the NXT Cruiserweight title at the next Takeover.
Quixotronic Bullpen Predictions:
Kyle: Danny Burch & Oney Lorcan - Breezango and Legado del Fantasma I think will cancel each other out giving Burch/Lorcan the opportunity to sneak out the win. Plus they’ve gotten the shit kicked out of them by Karrion Kross and Timothy Thatcher lately so this is the consolation prize?
Ryan: Breezango
Tim: Legado del Fantasma - while Breezango is a most excellent tag team name, Legado del Fantsma is EVEN COOLER. I pick them.
Finn Balor vs Timothy Thatcher
The Background: Finn Balor recently defeated Damian Priest at NXT Takeover In Your House while Timothy Thatcher defeated Matt Riddle in a “Fight Pit” match on the May 27th NXT. Thatcher went to murder Oney Lorcan twice and then he and Balor were both defeated by Dexter Lumis to qualify for the NXT North American title ladder match on the July 29th NXT. Thatcher then blocked Balor from winning his second match to qualify for the ladder match allowing Velveteen Dream to win the final spot on the August 19th NXT. Now Balor and Thatcher are going to fight about it.
Fanboy Fantasy: Let’s go cinematic… into the Fight Pit! The match starts in the normal Performance Center ring until Thatcher slams Balor against the mat enough times to crack the floor - the two then fall down to the level below that houses the Fight Pit. The ghosts of Matt Riddle and Shayna Baszler make an appearance as the two continue to murder each other. Finally Balor is able to slam Thatcher through the Fight Pit so the two fall to the final level - Raw Underground™. Balor is able to score the win as MVP as the Hurt Business politely applaud the two fighters’ efforts.
Quixotronic Bullpen Predictions:
Kyle: Timothy Thatcher - much like last Takeover’s Karrion Kross vs Tomasso Ciampa match, this feels like an “old and busted vs new hotness” match. And we must get the new hotness over. Do I want Finn Balor to win? Yes. Do I think he will? Sadly no.
Ryan: Finn Balor
Tim: Timothy Thatcher - Tim's stick together.
Adam Cole vs Pat McAfee (who I do not have a Fire Pro character of)
The Background: Adam Cole successfully defended his NXT Title against Velveteen Dream at NXT Takeover In Your House in a Backlot Brawl. Since then the Undisputed Era has been on a bit of a losing streak - Roderick Strong lost a strap match against Dexter Lumis on the July 1st NXT, Cole lost his NXT title to Keith Lee on the July 8th NXT, and Bobby Fish & Kyle O’Reilly lost an NXT Tag Team titles match against champions Imperium on the August 5th NXT. However, the story here is that on the July 23rd episode of The Pat McAfee Show Cole, Cole and McAfee got into an altercation after McAfee accused Cole of holding onto the NXT title for so long only because of the Undisputed Era’s interference. During Undisputed Era’s attempt to regain the NXT Tag Team titles, Cole left his post to attack McAfee who was a guest commentator for the match and the next week formally challenged McAfee to a match. McAfee accepted and now that match that can only count as a 2020 Bingo space at this point will happen.
Fanboy Fantasy: Due to repeated botched interference on the part of the Undisputed Era, Pat McAfee defeats Adam Cole much to the shock of literally everyone. McAfee can then slowly ease into a more serious version of what we almost got with the Gronk earlier this year. Undisputed Era finally show signs of a break up - primarily of Cole and Strong against Fish and O’Reilly (who start using their old reDRagon name again). This takes us all the way to NXT Takeover WarGames IV and the Twilight on the Undisputed Era - Era members on opposite ends of the ring in a WarGames match. I would make it Adam Cole, Roderick Strong, Johnny Gargano, and Timothy Thatcher on one side fighting Bobby Fish, Kyle O’Reilly, Dexter Lumis, and Finn Balor on the other side. O’Reilly pins Cole to win the match for his team, but after the cages rise and everyone clears out, the Era enjoy a post-match forgiveness hug. Cole and Strong head to Raw (and immediately turn on each other and feud) while reDRagon head to Smackdown and win the Smackdown Tag Team titles in their first match.
Quixotronic Bullpen Predictions:
Kyle: Adam Cole - I feel like Cole (and the whole Undisputed Era) is on his way out of NXT and heading for Raw and/or Smackdown soon, so naturally you go out on your back. However, I don’t think this will exactly be his last match (perhaps a rematch with Keith Lee?), so he’ll get the win here.
Ryan: Adam Cole
Tim: Adam Cole - absolutely no logic or reasoning behind this one.
NXT North American Title Ladder Match: Bronson Reed vs Cameron Grimes vs Damian Priest vs Johnny Gargano vs Velveteen Dream
The Background: Former champion Keith Lee successfully defended against Johnny Gargano at NXT Takeover In Your House. NXT Commissioner William Regal (a national treasure) then announced a Winner-Takes-All series between champions Lee, Adam Cole, and challengers Finn Balor and Johnny Gargano. Lee went on to defeat Gargano and Balor on the June 24th NXT and win the NXT title on the July 8th NXT. Lee vacated the North American title to give others the opportunity for a title. A 5-person ladder match was set up with multiple triple threat matches: Bronson Reed defeated Johnny Gargano and Roderick Strong on the July 22nd NXT, Dexter Lumis defeated Finn Balor and Timothy Thatcher on the July 29th NXT, Damian Priest defeated Oney Lorcan and Ridge Holland on the August 5th NXT, and Cameron Grimes defeated KUSHIDA and Velveteen Dream on the August 12th NXT. Lumis was taken out with an ankle injury so the last two spots were filled by the opponents not pinned in their matches facing each other: Gargano defeated Holland and Dream defeated Balor.
Fanboy Fantasy: We see the usual clusterfuck of a ladder match and I’d have Cameron Grimes escape with the win by literally climbing over Damian Priest. We spin that out into Priest feuding with Grimes over the title (and an eventual win) while Reed rejoins Shane Thorne for a new version of The Mighty, Gargano joins the Undisputed Era downfall, and Dream… well I don’t have an idea for Dream at the moment. Oh well.
Quixotronic Bullpen Predictions:
Kyle: Damian Priest - I’m writing off Dream and Gargano as you don’t see too many multi-time champions in NXT. Grimes and Reed, while both doing excellent right now, may be too shocking of upsets to land. Priest has been hovering around the North American title for a while now and I think it’s finally his time for the strap.
Ryan: Velveteen Dream
Tim: Velveteen Dream - Dream's got this one! The real question is who is Johnny wearing?
NXT Women’s Title Match: Dakotai Kai vs Io Shirai ©
The Background: Io Shirai won the NXT Women’s title at NXT Takeover In Your House by defeating Rhea Ripley and champion Charlotte Flair. Tegan Nox won a title shot but was defeated by Shirai on the July 15th NXT though Dakota Kai attacked the champion after the match. Kai was able to win a title opportunity of her own on the August 5th NXT by defeating Ripley. Earlier in the summer, Shirai had a scuffle and non-title match with now-WWE Raw Women’s champion Sasha Banks on the July 1st NXT.
Fanboy Fantasy: Notice how I slid that final bit in about Sasha Banks? That’s important for this. In the pre-show we have a taped segment of Shirai and Asuka hanging out and getting ready for their weekend matches. Bayley and Sasha show up and attack both, leaving both beaten but we get an Undertaker-but-it’s-cute-and-awesome sit up out of Asuka. You know you want it. The Golden Role Models go on to interfere and cost Io Shirai the match even with both Asuka and Tegan Nox trying to make the save. However Shirai returns the favor and helps cost both Bayley and Sasha their belts to Asuka the next night. The next night on Raw Asuka gives Shirai one of the belts only for Bayley/Sasha to complain that she can’t do that - Asuka flamboyantly sighs, lays down and tells Shirai to pin her, and the two new champions celebrate with a dance party.
Quixotronic Bullpen Predictions:
Kyle: Io Shirai - with a guaranteed new champion with the North American title and a suspected new champion with the NXT title (spoilers?), I think Shirai is safe from Kai this time.
Ryan: Io Shirai
Tim: Io Shirai - my thing for Japanese women's wrestlers is well documented.
NXT Title Match: Karrion Kross vs Keith Lee ©
The Background: Killer Karrion Kross made a big splash right away by murdering Tommaso Ciampa at NXT Takeover In Your House. He and Scarlett went on to stalk Adam Cole with mind games until Keith Lee defeated Cole for the title on the July 8th NXT so Kross set his sights on Lee instead. Lee gave his first title defense to his frenemy Dominik Dijakovic on the July 15th NXT but that only put Dijakovic into Kross’s crosshairs kross-hairs - Kross defeated Dijakovic himself on July 22nd NXT as well as anyone in his way. Kross murdered Danny Burch on the August 12th NXT before signing an official contract for an NXT title match.
Fanboy Fantasy: During the match, Scarlett slips Kross their hourglass and tries to attack Lee with it but misses. The hourglass makes a couple of appearances until Lee finally has enough and gets a hold of it and uses it on Kross, nailing him in the head. Kross, busted open but with his eyes wide open and smiling, goes down and Lee goes for a pin - the ref counts two until he notices the remains of the hourglass in Lee’s hand and disqualifies Lee. Officially Lee lost the match but Kross was down (though again creepily with his eyes open and filled with blood) for what would have been a three count. We get two or three title defenses with Lee between now and WarGames but Kross is able to claim that he limited the Limitless One - he made him cross kross the line before and he’ll do it again. We get the rematch and Kross gets the belt in November.
Quixotronic Bullpen Predictions:
Kyle: Karrion Kross - I want Lee to retain so much but I’d be shocked if he did.
Ryan: Keith Lee
Tim: Keith Lee - KEITH LEE KEITH LEE KEITH LEE
WWE SummerSlam 2020
Hair vs Hair Loser Leaves Town Match: Mandy Rose vs Sonya Deville
The Background: Mandy Rose and Sonya Deville debuted in late 2017 along with Paige to form Absolution. With Paige’s injury and retirement not too long after this, Rose and Deville continued as “Fire and Desire” until this year’s WrestleMania when it was revealed Deville tried to sabotage Rose’s romance with Quixotronic’s favorite wrestler Otis Dozovic. We’ve finally gotten back to the feud when Deville attacked Rose backstage and cut her hair on the July 31st Smackdown. Rose formally challenged Deville to a hair vs hair match three weeks later on the August 14th Smackdown. It has now been changed to a Loser Leaves Town match. Unfortunately this is overshadowed by real life in which a stalker attempted to kidnap Deville from her home last weekend and Deville (and Rose who was staying as a guest) was able to get away and the suspect was arrested. Hopefully this match will be therapeutic and fun as hell for the two because holy fuck.
Fanboy Fantasy: We see backstage that Rose tells Otis to stay backstage only to let Otis grace our television screens. Otherwise Rose is able to defeat Deville on her own and prove that she is “more than just a pretty face.” Deville doesn’t give her much satisfaction though as she grabs the clippers herself and shaves her hair herself while staring daggers at Rose.
Quixotronic Bullpen Predictions:
Kyle: Mandy Rose - hair vs hair matches usually exist to humiliate the bad guy in the feud, in this case Deville. Plus, if Deville "leaves town" she'd find an easy home on Raw Underground.
Ryan: Mandy Rose
Tim: Sonya Deville - because her name is fun to say in an old time radio voice. Try it and thank me later.
Street Fight: Dominik Mysterio vs Seth Rollins
The Background: Seth Rollins pushed Rey Mysterio’s face into the steel steps so hard that his eye popped out (because that’s how medical science works) at WWE Extreme Rules. Since then he and Buddy Murphy have tried to kill Aleister Black (which should not be possible) on the July 27th Raw and Samoa Joe (which should not be even more possible) on the August 3rd Raw and Dominik Mysterio has made the save in both cases. Unless Dominik is actually the son of WALTER instead of Eddie Guerrero, this should not be possible. Either way, Rollins and Murphy brutalized the little Mysterio with kendo sticks the next week, and Rey made the save for Eddie’s son the following week because life doesn’t exist when WWE isn’t on.
Fanboy Fantasy: I don’t think this is officially a kendo stick on a pole match but Rollins tricks Dominik into allowing it to be one pre-match. Dominik, due to interference by not only Rey Mysterio and Buddy Murphy but also Aleister Black and the returning AOP, is able to retrieve the kendo stick and win the match. Unfortunately the numbers are too much and Rollins’ group, now back at full power, murder los Mysterios and Black in the ring until Samoa Joe calmly takes his broadcast headphones off and correctly murders everyone. Dominik is written off so he can train more while Samoa Joe finally feuds with Messiah Seth Rollins.
Quixotronic Bullpen Predictions:
Kyle: Seth Rollins - I don’t think the plan is to keep Mysterio Jr Jr on television while he’s also training so this seems like a good time to write him off. Probably not as above, but maybe?
Ryan: Dominik Mysterio
Tim: Dominik Mysterio - wait so how many eyes does Rey Mysterio have now? And who is Dominik Mysterio? I only watch the pay per views guys. I'm confused. I will pick Mysterio too regardless of the number of eyeballs.
WWE Raw Tag Team Titles Match: Andrade Almas & Angel Garza vs Street Profits (Angelo Dawkins & Montez Ford) ©
The Background: The Street Profits successfully defended their titles against Andrade and Angel on the July 20th Raw. End of feud. The next week, Andrade and Angel won a title match by defeating the Viking Raiders and Cedric Alexander & Ricochet. Because… reasons? Since then Zelina Vega has poisoned Ford, but he got better and defeated Andrade (who should be in a World Title feud) in singles action.
Fanboy Fantasy: I'm going to be lazy on this one - Zelina Vega poisons both Profits again before the match and Andrade & Angel win easily. Profits puke on Vega in the end to "get revenge" but we get new champions. Later MVP tries to recruit the Profits to help them regain the tag titles but they correctly refuse and we transition to a Street Profits/Hurt Business feud.
Quixotronic Bullpen Predictions:
Kyle: Andrade & Angel Garza - why give them the title shot right after losing a title shot if not to give them the titles?
Ryan: Andrade & Angel Garza
Tim: Street Profits - the Street Profits retain.
WWE United States Title Match: MVP vs Apollo Crews ©
The Background: MVP introduced a new United States title and then stole it after Apollo Crews was not able to wrestle at WWE Extreme Rules. Crews returned and successfully defended against MVP at August 3rd Raw. End of feud. MVP and his Hurt Business continued to mess with Crews as Shelton Benjamin defeated Crews on the August 10th Raw while the entire Business (MVP, Benjamin, and Bobby Lashley) defeated Crews, Mustafa Ali, and Ricochet on the August 17th Raw.
Fanboy Fantasy: Crews is able to defeat MVP but after the bell rings MVP reveals he had the contract changed to a gauntlet match and he was only the first participant. Benjamin is next and is also defeated by Crews, but then Lashley lays waste to an exhausted Crews in 10 seconds and wins the title. MVP takes his rightful place as the Kingpin of Raw (and Raw Underground) with both the US and 24/7 champions within his Business.
Quixotronic Bullpen Predictions:
Kyle: MVP - another case of why give him the title shot after losing the title shot after having stolen and replaced said title?
Ryan: Apollo Crews
Tim: Apollo Crews - I'm not sure how many more times I need to explain that Crews is just too Carl Weathers adjacent for me to NOT pick.
WWE Smackdown Women’s Title Match: Asuka vs Bayley ©
WWE Raw Women’s Title Match: Asuka vs Sasha Banks ©
The Background: Sasha Banks did not defeat Asuka but stole her title at WWE Extreme Rules in a move that really should have been double checked by creative as it happened above with Crew’s US title also. However unlike Crews Asuka lost her belt in the rematch on the July 27th Raw. With the Golden Role Models now running as the two-woman power trip, Asuka has both earned a shot at Bank’s title by defeating Bayley on the August 10th Raw and also won a battle royal to win a shot at Bayley’s title on the August 21st Smackdown. Asuka is love. Asuka is life.
Fanboy Fantasy: See above - Bayley and Sasha cost Io Shirai her NXT title and she helps Asuka relieve both of their titles here. Asuka gives Io the Raw belt and everyone is happy. Except for Bayley and Sasha of course. Bayley and Sasha defend their tag titles against the two at next week’s (what?) WWE Payback and the Role Models retain and hold onto the titles for a few more months until Royal Rumble time where the finally lose them to Ruby Riott and Liv Morgan. And then the feud really actually finally begins!
Quixotronic Bullpen Predictions:
Kyle: Asuka - I still think Bayley and Sasha will lose their singles belts before their tag belts and one day eventually feud, so might as well let Asuka have all the gold.
Ryan: Asuka
Tim: Asuka - you know who I'm picking.
WWE World Title Match: Randy Orton vs Drew McIntyre ©
The Background: Drew McIntyre successfully defended his title against Dolph Ziggler both at WWE Extreme Rules and the July 27th Raw. Elsewhere, Randy Orton has been on a Legend Killer™ kick again (literally). He punted the Big Show on the July 20th Raw and Shawn Michaels on the August 17th Raw, all while also calling out McIntyre because he also wants to be WWE Champion. McIntyre, a defending champion, graciously accepted Orton’s challenge.
Fanboy Fantasy: Orton is able to hit the RKO out of nowhere but McIntyre’s leg gets the rope break. McIntyre hits the Claymore but Orton is able to roll out of the ring. The two brawl on the outside and we get the unfortunate double count out. McIntyre calls out Orton on the next Raw and says while Orton couldn’t beat him, he couldn’t beat Orton either so he offers him another shot at his title - in a cage. It makes the most sense, right? Orton, oddly, says no. Fast forward a month and on Smackdown it's revealed that Otis lost his Money in the Bank briefcase - not in a match but straight up lost it. Let’s assume that by Survivor Series WWE, as an essential business, will be letting fans in beyond just appearing in the Thunderdome. On the first Raw with something resembling a crowd, Orton RKO’s (out of nowhere) McIntyre and hands over the stolen Money in the Bank briefcase. No one seems to know if he’s allowed to use it but the contract doesn’t have a name on it - a slight oversight all these years. Orton wins the title, hitting 14-times as champion. Orton holds onto it until WrestleMania when McIntyre is able to win the title (hopefully) in front of a live audience.
Quixotronic Bullpen Predictions:
Kyle: Drew McIntyre - I’m still holding onto my theory of McIntyre holding onto the title until fans (non-Thunderdome fans) are actually in the building. Orton may prove me wrong.
Ryan: Drew McIntyre
Tim: Drew McIntyre - McIntyre because I agree with Kyle* that he's going to have it for a while.
*Editor's note - I do not generally endorse agreeing with Kyle.** - Terrific Tim
**Actual editor’s note - One of us! One of us! One of us!
WWE Universal Title Match: Bray Waytt vs Braun Strowman ©
The Background: Bray Wyatt left Braun Strowman rotting in a swamp at WWE Extreme Rules which somehow did not give him the Universal title. Alexa Bliss tried to defend the honor of sweet Strowman on the July 31st Smackdown after being used in the swamp as a mind fuck on Braun, but Wyatt gave her the Mandible Claw. A newly shaved and re-monsterized Braun Strowman returned on the August 7th Smackdown having taken yet another hair vs hair match away from us - first Baron Corbin and now Strowman. Alexa tried to get through to the new monster Braun on the August 14th Smackdown but he Fastball-Specialed her out of the ring. Finally on the August 21st Smackdown Braun broke into the Firefly Fun House and the two brawled around the Thunderdome only for The Fiend to stand tall.
Fanboy Fantasy: The match starts with Braun smashing Bray like the Hulk (or Colossus?) he is and Bray no-sells it. Bray gains the upper-hand but Braun no-sells it just the same. Alexa Bliss comes out and tries to talk sense into Braun only for Nikki Cross to literally drop out of nowhere and attack Bliss - and this is when we see Braun show emotion for just a moment finally. However Wyatt gets the Mandible Claw on and Strowman’s arm doesn’t answer the three count from the ref. Cross dances around laughing maniacally now returned to her natural state while Wyatt collects his title and Braun’s body. The show closes with Wyatt dragging Braun’s body under the ring before it starts on fire. Strowman and Cross are introduced as members of Bray’s Fun House and we have the new power stable of Smackdown, and Alexa Bliss as their first challenger.
Quixotronic Bullpen Predictions:
Kyle: Bray Wyatt - Bray finally gets his title back that he never should have lost to Goldberg.
Ryan: Bray Wyatt
Tim: Bray Wyatt - I'm worried if I pick against him he will come and get me in the night.
That’s it for our NXT Takeover XXX and WWE SummerSlam 2020 previews. We’ll be back next week (wait what? Next week? Fuck…) with WWE Payback and the following week with AEW All Out. This is why I’m not doing reviews anymore...
Thanks for joining us again and be sure to subscribe on Facebook and follow https://www.quixotronic.com/ for more questionable content.